Never tell the new chic in HR she has a nice rack.
Even if it is true.
Trust me.
I know.
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My poli sci teacher in college said it was the 5 P's

Prior Preparation Prevents Poor Performance
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Everything is negotiable- My dad drilled that one in my head.
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When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who can't hear the music. (George Carlin)

And the wife doesn't like it, but my idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. :-)
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OMG... this is brilliant... I may have to put it on a T-Shirt and give it to a couple of people.
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Receive any cigar happily. It may be all the person can do at the time.

Call your parents, even if you don't want to. Someday you'll want to, and remember you can't.
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When a child, never sniff a magnet just to see what it smells like. Don't ask :-)

My Grandfather used to say "Do you know where sympathy falls in the dictionary, between $h*# and syphills, and I got none of 'em for ya"

And mom's wisdom, "A failure to plan on your part doesn't make it a crisis for me"
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Sage wisdom right there!



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Moms know stuff. :-)


It is easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.

Don't pizz down my back and tell me it's raining.
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The glass is ALWAYS half full.
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Think of the guy of average intelligence. Then realize that half the people in the world are stupider than that guy.
-George Carlin
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It's not so much half full or half empty as it is the wrong size glass
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That is awesome Tim.


Here's one. My young son sends a text to his older brother that says "say something profound I need a Sr. quote". Reply, "If it's everywhere it's not herpes".

You gotta love older brothers. :-)
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Always do sober, what you said you were going to do when you were drunk!
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One man gathers, what another man spills.

Sometimes the cards ain't worth a dime, if you don't lay 'em down.
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You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but you can never pick your friends nose.
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I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
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Don't s*** where you eat.
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Don’t puke on my tortilla chips and tell me it’s salsa.
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It's better to look stupid than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. :-)
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