Originally Posted by floydpink:
This girl had it rough as she arrived as a middle schooler from Brazil and was much more "developed" than the other girls and drew much attention from the boys. This caused her to be in several fights and she learned to be tough.
I know all about Brazilian women... Keep to the highroad and be consistent in your authority. It's a harder to be a be parent and many "parents' fall back and try to be their children's friend and that is not what she needs right now.
Structure and leading by example. Sounds like you are active and doing the right thing.
Beyond military, she may want to consider a trade/vocation school.
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Pete,
I had two incidents I considered kicking my daughter out.
On the second one, I did.
I now regret it.
My daughter was a challenge since 16.
Tried to OD. Will never forget the day I found her in the bathroom floor and drove at over 100 miles per hour the two miles to get her to the hospital down the road.
Had her Baker Acted, which was a very tough decision to make.
Lots of counseling.
Packed up and moved out at 18.
Back at home again within 9 months as could not afford it as she thought she would.
Then, within a few months, pregnant.
I was just so flustered at that point that I threw her out.
I immediately reconsidered my actions based on anger primarily and took the approach of support and dialogue.
Seems that when I stopped being an authority figure with her and acted more like someone that truly cared about her, it broke her down and let us finally into that tough closed world of hers at the time.
We now have a wonderful grandchild and a great relationship. My wife and her have more dialogue than in the previous years all summed up. At 22, she is now a great mom, hard worker, back in college, and looking to keep her family life with her baby's father in tact.
Point of all this "personal" stuff most won't share is we all go through these tough hurdles in one form or another. I think what I learned is the more I was tough, with no illustration of empathy, the less it worked. Once I took the "guidance" approach rather than the "authority as your father", we finally got through to her.
You have my number. Call me any time to talk if you need to. Man have I been here where you are now.
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The single greatest tragedy of my life is the non-relationship with our one and only child who is now 28. We thought we had a good relationship with her, probably spoiled her too much. We had no idea how she really felt about us until her secret life came to light one summer day eight years ago. It has been a nightmare since then. We have tried everything we could imagine to communicate or even to find out why she feels the way she does. Nothing has worked ... we feel like total failures but we are not going to give up.
My heart goes out to you and to everyone else who dearly loves their troubled children.
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