Not wanting to steal thunder or hi-jack one of the engagement threads, I wondered what the B/SOTL say?

I have been married twice and did not even think to discuss my pending engagement with the first FIL, but actually felt huge guilt about that when we told her parents the news. It was like I could see the "I'm losing my little girl" in his eyes and I knew right then that I should have discussed my intentions with him prior to asking.

It was not as if anything he would have said, would have changed the course of my actions(they loved me, so there was no worry, still do actually), but I knew after the fact, that in my mind, it would have been the right thing to do.

I did not make this mistake the second time. It was a phone conversation, which I felt was also a bit "half assed", but there was distance and that was the way it was going to be done. Actually did it seconds before I popped the question, but I felt better about doing it all the same....

Long story short, I hope the man that asks my daughter to spend her life with him, discusses that with me prior...& my son will know my expectations of him as well.....

Too traditional?

What did you do?

If you have been on the other side, stories one way or the other?

Thoughts from the women on this forum?
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I proposed in 1982 and I did ask my future FIL for permission because that was what my then-girlfriend-now-wife wanted me to do... It was a good thing I did as we became good friends and I think the fact that I asked really started us off on the right foot.
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I agree with you E.J. I didnt know until this morning. I think he should have asked me first. Guess we are just old fashioned!!
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I asked, but it was merely a formality, I would have proposed regardless. However, I think it has gone a long way in creating good will
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I asked my FIL.

Wish he had said "no". :-)
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A great thing to do. I never did it though. My in laws were totally against the union and I think they were bitter about it till the day they passed. We went as far as talking about eloping with a ladder but ended up with a very nice wedding. I could not bring myself to ask because of the anomisity and have always regretted it.
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Unless I'm losing my mind I think we just had a thread like this.

Anyway, I asked, glad I did.

I hope my sons do the same when it's time for them.
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:-) :-) :-)

This sounds like it might be a good occasion to break out a cigar and share with your future FIL. :-)
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My wife-to-be hinted that she expected me to ask her father's blessing if I wanted to marry her. I think I would have anyway. It was obvious that even though she was in her 20s and living on her own, he still regarded himself in some way her protector. And I think she felt that way too. It is old fashioned and I guess it could be seen as sexist but I'm glad I sought his blessing first. I think it's helped make my relationship with him a good one.
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When I asked my FIL he said "Its fine with me but I'm not sure she'll say yes"
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I asked my father-in-law. I felt its the right thing to do considering we had a pretty good relationship. Her sisters husband did not ask and her parents seemed to be perturbed by this. :-)
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My son-in-law called and asked for our blessing to propose. We had known that sooner or later they would get married but I was impressed that he called to ask.

I don't think I would have minded had he not. But I liked the fact that he asked. My immediate response was "Let me think about it and I'll get back to you." After being admonished by my wife, I laughed and said, "Of course."
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My wife's father passed the year before I met her, but I did ask her mother.
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I was stupid enough to ask two times!:-) but I do believe its the right thing to do.
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Personally, I don't see it as much of an option but a necessity but I've always been old school. I asked my lady's father over the phone because 600 miles is a bit much; I do wish I had done so in person though. I have yet to pop the question as I need to ask her grandfather (mother's side and was pretty much her father growing up), save up some more money, and wait for the right moment.

Her father and I are cool so he totally supported it. If he didn't approve I'm not sure what I would have done; either do it anyways, or work to butter him up until he approved I suppose
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The Father and the father, yes!
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I'm the most interesting man in the world...Men ask me for my blessing to marry their daughter...my charisma can be seen from space...my beard is listed on my donor card....just kidding...good on ya for asking..It's the right thing to do.
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I young man recently asked me if he could marry my daughter. They have been dating for almost two years, so I was not suprised when he asked, but I did very much appreciate it. I expect he will ask her sometime in the next month or so.
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I didn't ask either time. But I was old both times and already friends with my future FILs so it was more fun to surprise them with the news than ask permission.
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The little punk ass dipsh!t engaged to my daughter did not ask me. Both 18 years old, knowing/dating each other for a whole 5 months before he popped the question, and off to college together.
He asked my ex-wifes husband... Oh yeah, since then, that dude is on his way to being an ex husband now too.
I contemplate making putz-boy regret it, but resignation and tact set in and I don't. I am hoping for a better 2011. The wedding is in June, however...


I have more than a few concerns about the whole shootin' match, as you can probably tell.
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