I have a question for my CA Family. My 12yr old step son is a great kid. Straight A's never in trouble. He is a little young for his age, but a great overall kid.

The dilema is he really wants Black Ops for Christmas. I say no, his mom says no, but dad wants to buy it for him. He is at our house the majority of the time and we can put our foot down and say no. At our house we sit where he is gaming as a family and my wife or I are usually in earshot. At his dad's, No supervision at all!!! Dad will leave the 12 and 10yr olds alone for hours.

I have not played the game and really don't know about it.


Do we let him get it????
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No, I would not buy it. Stick to your guns and set the example. If he does not understand and appreciate your decision now, he will when he's older.
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Not a parent but if it's like that one they had years ago where kids were killing cops and running over women I would say no way. My niece let her boy about that age play that and I was pissed I woldn't go over if he would play it while I was there. That was an insulting game.

Sorry dammit.
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This is a difficult one, Mike, as you may not be able to dictate what dad lets happen at his house. It's going to come down to the relationship between your step-son's mom and the dad. Will he respect her wishes on the subject? If not, there's almost nothing you can really do. As a divorced parent (who btw has an excellent relationship with his ex), I can tell you these kinds of things come up more and more as the kids get older. Ultimately, you have to learn to pick your battles. Maybe the dad will listen to reason, but you may need to be prepared for some kind of compromise on the matter.
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I agree you have to draw the line. Black Ops is rated the way its rated for a reason. Its violent, somewhat graphic and the language would not be appropriate. Granted its no worse than any war movie, the killing at least is in a combat scenario versus Grand Theft Auto (mentioned above). However the multiplayer is not that bad and wouldn't warp him but you can't get that without the story.




Edit: And lastly we need to keep he kids off these games, they are better than me and its not fair :-)
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No--Hell no.

I just read an article, yesterday, blasting Kobe Bryant for being in the ad for it.

The long and the short of the article is the fact that games like that glamorize the violence of war without teaching the consequences and finality of death.

I'm not a right-wing nutjob, but I do feel that there should be more done to prevent children from getting ahold of games like Black Ops and GTA. (And, yes, I'll admit that I am guilty of playing GTA; however, there is a world of difference between a 30 year that knows and understands the difference between a cartoon world the real world. And, yes, I understand that that doesn't necessarily make it right that I do play thos games from time to time.)
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10 year olds and headshots dont mix. The online multiplayer is extremely filled with horrible language and trash talking to the point where I dont even like to play that much.
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We should as a society limit the violence we expose children to. I don't mean make laws about it, but parents should recognize the imagery and how it develops the mind and morality.

Think of the simple games we had as children, the games our grandparents had as children; they got by fine.
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As a 23 year old, I found Modern Warfare 2 and the new Black Ops fun and entertaining. That said though, it may be a little too graphic for a 12 year old. I think it comes down to his maturity level and your own thoughts on the game wether you let him get it or not.

If he is into any sort of racing though, Gran Turismo 5 is coming out soon. Its pretty tough since its more simulator than arcade, but the whole family can get involved with that game since the learning curve to play is pretty low. Its the learning curve to be good at it that gets you.
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No, it is way out there for a 12 year old. There is foul language, torture, zombies, lots of blood flying, and honestly the online community isn't a great place for younger folk. It's rated M for a reason, stick to your guns!

That being said I love it :-)
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I'm no expert, but my major is Family, youth, and community science and believe me when i say I've taken a plethora of child development and psychology courses. If that doesn't help you can use me as an example. Every child is different. Every child has a different capacity of learning behaviors. Though studies have shown that violent video games are bad a "influence", it's all about how you treat the child and how you go about things. If he knows his rights and wrongs that you all have taught him there will be no problem in letting him play these video games. Reinforcing good behaviors while he is playing, giving him the opportunity to play do to a reward, stuff like that can reinforce "right" behaviors.

Children eventually watch tv shows, movies, and play video games that have a higher rating than they are allowed, but the caveat is "with adult supervision". I've always watched rated r movies on tv ever since I was younger, I don't know who hasn't seen an R rated movie before they were 18, though I'm 100% positive there are children who are that way. I've started playing video games, from friendly games like Tetris and Pokemon to Unreal Tournament and Grand Theft Auto all by the age of 10 (ended up professionally playin for a while in several games). I was also one of those stereotypical asian children, authoritative parents, not very loving or warm, always doing his homework, straight a's, never missed a class sort of deal, and I also dealt with a together, but very dysfunctional family. The reason why I bring this up is, EVERY child is different no matter what. I know what is right and what is wrong, I know good manners and behaviors from bad ones. I am self taught in every aspect and in my education. Every expert would say that I had very many risk factors into developing into a delinquent, however I would like to point out that I did not. I'm no expert on raising children by any means, but I would like show that what works for one child doesn't work for another.

In summation, based on my experiences and education, it's not a BIG deal that he can play. I know families who sit with their children and play, but don't let them play online. Living in a good environment, healthy familial relationship, and good parenting skills is a much more important in a developing child than a MA+ rated video game. If it bothers you that much, and he does eventually get it, set up some ground rules with the father, everyone must be on the same page about things because mixed parenting skills is also a risk factor for a developing adolescent.

Please do not take my comments in a negative way, I was merely providing some facts and examples of things that I have learned through school and personal experiences. I do not have any children, nor I'm not an expert in child development or psychology, but I do have some knowledge and experience in this area. We live in a much different age then even when I was younger, we barely had the internet. With the internet, things can get much worse, they could be doing much worse with technology today than a video game could. Whatever the decision may be will only hurt for a little while and at that age there will be plenty of other distractions, good luck and God bless.
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:-)

Except, I do have kids. Jeremy was playing CoD, Doom and Unreal around that age.

BUT.....(that's a Big But!)

By that age, Ninja was also shooting real guns, hunting (and killing) real game animals, and had a full understanding through demonstration, of the damage that real guns caused. He knew the difference between real and unreal.

Pretty much the same things were said about many of the first-person shooter games that came out in his youth that are being said about Black Ops. I played the games with him, or at least watched him play them to get a feel for the games and to see if there were issues that I needed to address (so he would know right from wrong, for example). However, I never allowed Grand-theft Auto or other games that glorified violence against everyday people or against police. His first-person games were all war based, with good guy going after bad guy.

The main concern I had with Doom, Unreal and the such was the language. But, that was also addressed when it came out of his mouth.

BUT....

Like ucubed said, IT DEPENDS on the child, his experiences, his maturity and his intelligence level. Not all 12 year olds have the background, knowledge or experiences to understand the differences. Ninja was lucky that we lived in an area with land to allow him to have space to learn the outdoor skills he has. Your 12 year old IS DIFFERENT, simply because ALL 12 year olds are different. Thus, you are in the best position to judge what his abilities/limitations are.

Good Luck with the issue.
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When I was 10 I saw all 3 die hard movies uncensored, bought them all at age 14 myself in front of my parents (back then they weren't so anal about carding people for movies). I played Doom, Wolfenstein, Blake Stone all equivalent to rated M or 17+ at the age of 7-8. My mom saw how horribly violent the games were asked if I could sleep at night I said yes mom I sleep great. I've played every great rated M game since.

I've never been in a serious fight (I'm not counting elementary and Jr high). I've never been to jail, never had a DUI....my record is completely clean all I have is one lousy traffic ticket. Never done drugs (don't give me that alcohol is a drug crap), got suspending once in high school, few detentions that is it. I turned out perfectly normal.

I agree with Cliff, it really does depend on the child. You could always start off by letting him play single player. See if he is mature enough and if he is perhaps letting him play on-line a few hours a week wouldn't be the worst thing.

Has he played the other Call of Duty games? What is the worst movie (blood/violence) he has seen? I figure thanks to public school systems he is probably already using quite profane language around his friends so that's nothing new. Private schools aren't any better.....kids their do heroin in Jr high. I started cussing at the age of 10-11 around my friends and my parents just said don't say it in front of them or other parents. By the time I was 16 my parents could care less what I said whenever in front of them (of course everyone knows the dreaded C word never goes over well with anyone).

So my suggestion is you gotta start somewhere, let him play single player and see how he does with that. You'll never know how mature your child is unless you test the waters. But don't think no 12 year olds should be playing this game just on age principle.


My :-)
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I grew up playing extremely violent video games, and watched whatever movies I wanted to, minus XXX rated stuff ( but I did score some nude mags that were well hidden ). I was always a straight A student. I lived with my grandmother who for the longest time I thought I had always had the upper hand on, to later down the road realize she knew everything that was going on. In retrospect she explained to me recently, that she felt strongly my brother and I had a strong understanding of what was real and what was fake. This coming from a Woman who lived during the depression, raised 3 kids on her own, and worked in the child medical field since time began. We also understood that what occurred in the video game would not be tolerated if it occurred anywhere else, i.e. fighting other kids. She also went on to explain that if she felt that if we didn't have these basic understandings that she would have yanked the plug fast. It also was known that good grades in my youth led to the nicer things. Late bedtimes etc. This even carried on to high school, I used to hang out with older kids so staying out til the wee hours of the morning was not a big deal, because I had a 4.0 GPA. My brother and I had our own computers at 14 ( me ) and 12 ( my brother ) with unlimited internet access. All things still held the same. Keep the grades, act like gentlemen outside of the house and grandmom was a stickler for cussing. My brother ended up joining the military and picked ( what I consider ) the most non-violent field possible. I ended up going into law enforcement and found a lot of the violence that I encountered to be too much, one of the many reasons why I left the field.

So I guess what I am really trying to get at is this. Your son has most likely already seen some graphically violent movies. He has most likely played violent games. It would do more good to sit down and talk to him about the game, and what everything means. His friends will most likely get or already have the game. And if the step-dad plans on getting the game, you'd be better off just talking to him and setting some rules for playing the game. Luckily I have two sons that are very young and have not had to cross this bridge yet, but when I do I plan on just trying to lay it all out for them. This was one of the things that really pissed me off growing up. No one ever told it to me like it is. I always got the kid side.

I would just get it, tell him about it and what everything means, if he doesn't know already and maybe even play it with him.
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is he able to tell the difference from real and fake? if yes buy it, if no, don't.
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Thank you guys for the words of wisdom. As we all no these are all opinions and I do respect every one of them. Kevin made me think a lot about what I tell people" I've been a High School teacher for 20 yrs you can line up 100 kids on one wall and 100 parents on another wall and I could match 90 of them correctly."

I was not a straight A student, but I was a good kid with a little bit of street smarts and stayed out of trouble.

My wife has sheltered the boys because their dad was not around, until we got married and then he wanted to be in their life.

After reading what you guys had to say, I think I am willing to let his dad get it for him. Knowing that if he brings it home we can talk about it, play together(even though I am not a gamer). My concern is him online with Dad not even home to pay attention, because then the 10yr old watches and he does not know real and fake.


Thank You for all the advise guys!!

PS- Now I know why Ninja is always destroying people's mailboxes!!!!!!!!
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My son and I play multi player war games and has been a debate with his mom for years however he has seen me look for hackers and be an admin for tourneys online and hence it killed alot of realism to a violent game being violent to just being a video game . I am also a hunter and he is also a marksman at camp with a real gun and like it has been said here let him mature. with relatives being career military he understands a video game and such. Online he hears people swear be rude etc. and has literally by himself left that server because its not how hes raised nor like other kids gives into it and talk trash. He uses online and reg gaming like a league or any other kind of sport or competitive play. He has learned teamwork and other skills and how to communicate with strangers and use strategy. Now there are some games I do not leave him alone with and keep an eye even when he doesn't think I have an eye on him but he asks me to play with him at times more than he solo plays cause he enjoys the dad time.But I have always been the kind of person that has been doing gaming and do gaming with him. and he has learned how to be respectful,courteous and a positive sport from watching me.
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I want to apologize for being so forward on the game thing here, My nieces kid was one of them than did not know the difference between reality and games.

Not much makes me angry enough to throw a fit online but this one hit home.

I will leave it at that since you have some great advice there and sorry it was late and the memories came back.

dave
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I think if you are involved at your home with your son and the gaming, that when he goes to the Dad's house and plays unsupervised there will be a lot of carry over of how he behaves and acys unsupervised. Also at 10 yrs old you may want to include the younger one in with the talk about the game and even the game play itself. The younger one will be watching the older one without a doubt so maybe go in with both of them in mind here. And we all know they both will want to play.

P.S. - You may not be a gamer now, but after awhile you will come to the dark side...:-)
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:-) Good choice. You won't regret it. It is good you looked into the issue though and being a parent rather then just give your kids what they want. :-) :-)

Hope all works out well.
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