Cowboy/Farmer rules for: Arizona , Kansas , Oklahoma , Colorado , New Mexico , Wyoming , Montana , Utah , Idaho and the rest of the Wild West!

1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight: it's called a "gravel road or dirt road." No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus,BMW,Benze,etc. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

5. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-35 goes north and south. Pick one and go.

6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati or Chicago call that stuff you eat ... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!

17. There's only one God and we love him and worship him.
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:-) Thanks, Jeff.
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Amen.
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That's nice. But maybe we need some Urban Rules too. Let's start with:

1. That's a toolshed. The toilet is inside.
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:-) :-)
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I'd also like to add that a slap in the head is not cause for a lawsuit. We call it a lesson.
A good asskicking is sometimes the perfect tool for arousing an epiphany, as well. :-)
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The tools are usually inside too!
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:-) Sorry, dude.
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Love it and a lot of that applies to my hometown.:-)
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No 12 made me laugh out loud.
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The tools are normally inside in these parts too . . . but they ain't Craftsmen. :-)
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Not a lawsuit, a criminal complaint for assault and battery.
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Urban Rule #2. At best, Pizza Hut is only half-right, for it certainly isn't pizza. And Vienna Sausage is wrong on both counts.
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MMMmmmmmmmm .... MEAT sticks!!!!! :-)
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A nice set of rules to live by.
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Urban Rule #3. I don't care what the girl at Penny's said, haute couture is NOT French for "off the rack".
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Hey, no picking on Vienna Sausages! Perfectly formed little round logs of tender, juicy meat-like substance. I popped a can of Armour at 12:30am this morning while reading this forum! :-)
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Mmmmmmm......bbq flavored Viennies with those little white mystery specks, and lets not forget potted meat and hormel "ham" patties.:-)
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Hey, I never said I wouldn't eat them. I simply stated they are not Viennese, and whatever they may be, they are not sausage. :-)
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Let's not look into that too closely either! :-) Some things, I just don't want to know!
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