This is a difficult post to put into words. It’s one of those “I love this place because …” posts. It’s about paying it forward, receiving with grace and realizing the goodness that really is out there in this world.
I learned about the Pay It Forward concept back in the days of Club Stogie; back before the Lowland Gorillas went up in a Puff and the place got overrun with top-hatted sea dwellers. During my early days on the site I was the recipient of a few bombs, gifts and other niceties. It was kinda’ like a game. You bomb me. I bomb you back. We post about the fun we were having. The bombs got bigger, and if I’m truthful, I came to crave the attention and notoriety that came with bombing and being bombed. Over a period of months though, I came to see that bombing for notoriety was not what bombing was supposed to be about. A bomb, to my new way of thinking, was an expression of friendship, brotherhood and appreciation from one to another. The notoriety that came with it was certainly unnecessary and often unwanted. I began to ask myself, “If I bomb this person, and they were not to post about it, would I do it anyway?” When the answer came back “yes”, I would follow through with sending the package. If I answered “no” – I didn’t send. My bombing pattern changed. I began sending out packages anonymously or using third parties to ship for me. I began to relish the whole concept of doing something for someone without them knowing it was me. No one knew, and no one had to know. It felt good just to do it. Sure, I’d still send stuff out occasionally where the recipient would know it was me that sent it, but often times, I’d ask the bomb not be posted. Why? Because the bomb wasn’t about me sending it; it was about the recipient.
The last few years have been kind to me. My needs have been met. I’m not independently wealthy (or any kind of wealthy for that matter), but neither do I struggle all that much. As such, I find myself in the position where I’ve been able to lend a hand here and there to someone where they’re low on cigars or pass a wish or maybe a guy could use a couple bucks to get through a rough stretch or do something to help a troop support effort or charitable cause someone on the board is running. Presently, I have more than enough cigars. Outside discontinued sticks or those that are prohibitively expensive, I find I can generally smoke what I want. I don’t NEED cigars. I don’t NEED people to send me cigars, and while I’m appreciative of the gesture when they do, I have also developed a certain discomfort with being on the receiving end. I have been quite happy and content in doing for others when I can, and because my stock is more than sufficient, I actually often feel guilty upon receiving something unexpected in the mail. It’s probably a psychological issue worthy of counseling, but it’s how I feel.
So why the long post? It’s background so you can understand the depth of humility and gratitude I’ve felt for this community over the last week or so.
I recently posted in the Thoughts & Prayers section for some good wishes to be sent to my ex-wife and my kids. Her live-in boyfriend left unexpectedly last week while she was at work. Long story short: he took everything he felt he was entitled to – from the living room set to kitchen appliances to the washer dryer to the bed and much more down to little things like cutlery and a coffee pot. My ex was devastated when she came home, and my teen-aged kids were shaken to have had this happen. It could have been worse. He could have left them with nothing. They still had a warm house and food to eat. The coward left them in an uncomfortable spot but not in a life-threatening one.
The thoughts and prayers poured in. A couple guys on here wanted to take it a step further and see if they could collect some donations to help my ex replace a few of the things that went missing. Reluctantly, I agreed . There was no way I could replace everything, and while I did what I could for her, I couldn’t do it all, so I had to swallow hard and accept the help. Being uncomfortable in the role of the one being helped created some anxiety for me, but I figured a) it was going to help my kids, and b) what’s the worst that could happen – maybe guys throw in a hundred or so bucks. I could live with that angst.
I was completely unprepared for the level of generosity I’ve witnessed.
PMs, P@yP@l contributions, gift cards, checks, offers of goods and services; it was mind-numbing, and it happened at a blistering fast pace. So fast that I couldn’t begin to try to thank people individually. I didn’t have the time to do everyone justice, and I didn’t want the generosity of this community to be sloughed off with a quick thanks.
Through this past weekend, over $700- in P@yP@l contributions have been made. They came in sizes large and small, but the thing that blew me away, was they came from people I don’t even have a passing acquaintance with. A guy who’s screen name I recognize but who I’ve never had any dealings with on any level sent $100-. And he wasn’t the only one. The $5, $10 and $20 “Wish I could do more” gifts – again from people I don’t know – moved me to tears. I literally cried. Amazing.
I was offered TWO sofas and a computer! There is a $250- gift card on the way to my ex so she can provide make sure there’s Christmas dinner on the table and presents under the tree. I’ve been told there are checks in route from guys who don’t have a PP account.
One brother bought my ex-wife a brand new stove. A new stove. I’m at a loss for words. I think I bought something from this guy in a WTS thread once. Never met him. Never spoken to him. Don’t hang out with him on line. He bought my ex a stove.
There ARE angels in the Asylum, ladies and gentlemen. They are you. I have so much love for this place my heart is bursting. I still cannot adequately express the depth of my gratitude to you all for helping during a time of crisis for my kids and their mom. When things have settled down, I plan to print out the thoughts and prayers thread as well as RevSmoke’s “Plea for Help” thread and all the responses. I’m going to organize those along with all the PM’s and emails I received and create a scrapbook for my kids and their mom. This has been a Christmas they will never forget, and I hope the scrapbook is something they’ll be able to look at from time to time and remember that angels exist and that there is far more good in the world than bad.
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