OK guys.....it's supposed to be funny and silly and a play on the movie, "127 Hours." The review is real surrounded by a story best read after a six pack. I know the "real" cigar guys don't approve but I'm asking you to give me a chance here and just enjoy it.
Thanks


I found myself stuck in the bottom of a ravine. I had decided to hike, alone, in the area of Apache Junction near the Superstition Mountains. I am an experienced climber and made the fatal mistake: Arrogance.

I had slipped on some shale and fell forward and then my body swiveled and I went straight down a ravine. Looking up, it seemed like at least 20 feet. I was covered in cuts and bruises.I gathered my senses and began to climb up. I had risen 5 feet when a large rock dislodged and I fell again, this time with the rock lodging my forearm between the wedged rock and the wall of the ravine.

I couldn't move my arm. I struggled for over an hour. It seemed like a good time to stop and think and come up with a plan. I pulled a cigar out of my pack with my good hand. An Alabao. Made by Nick Perdomo for Famous-Smoke. It was one of my regular go-to's.

The pre-light aroma was wonderful, under the circumstances, with a faint espresso going on. It helped me block out the pain. Distraction. I had no way to pop the cap. So I bit off the end.At first light, I tasted cedar and a mild sweet tobacco flavor. Very mild. Huge billows of white smoke emitted from the end. As I smoked, I could taste coffee bean and cocoa. Every now and then I tugged my arm to see if I could dislodge it. No way.

The sweet spice stayed with me. But at the half way point, it became more medium in body while the flavors began to spread out. My nerves were shot but the Alabao had a calming effect.

I could taste the Criollo wrapper. Always tangy. Delicious.

I love it when cigars provide a creaminess to the back of the mouth. Like suckling on mother's milk.The stick portrayed some hint of nuts...almonds and cashews...with that creaminess swirling around it.

As the cigar wound down, it ramped up in flavor and strength but never getting harsh or hot. The sweet spice and nuts kicked in big time. I smoked it to the nub. And then reality set back in.

It was late in the afternoon. A small rodent was at my foot. It was gnawing at my boot. I shooed it away. And then more congregated. I began to panic. My obituary would read I was eaten by rodents.

I grabbed another cigar and ripped it apart and spit the pieces to the ground. The rodents started chewing on the pieces and seemed to like it. Then, when they finished, they stopped and looked up at me. Laughingly, I asked them if they could get help? Several nodded up and down. Obviously, I was hallucinating. I asked the others to start chewing my right arm off just in case the other rodents forgot what their mission was. I read the other idiot that did this to himself waited for about a week before he decided to saw his hand off. I wasn't going to wait that long. Hygiene issues.

Maybe 7 or 8 climbed the rock and started chewing my flesh. I screamed out in pain. One of the rodents ran away and returned with a strange looking cactus flower and stuck it in my mouth. I chewed it and the pain lessened. Before long, I felt pretty good.

I sang the entire Rogers & Hammerstein song book followed by Billy Joel, Billie Holliday, and Rush. It was getting dark and no sign of help.

I smoked another Alabao and it helped calm me but then, whatever I took ,started to make me chatty. I asked the rodents, who I named, Moe, Curly, Larry, Zeppo, Dick, Beyonce, and Irving about their lives. "How's the family? You guys doing alright?" I heard one say, "I do alright, but try and find a decent bagel." I nodded.

The bone was exposed. The rodents spread out as a very large rodent, who I named Mongo, sauntered towards the exposed bone. I heard him ask if I was ready? I told him I could use a little more of that cactus flower. He turned his head and was handed the flower and then he stuffed it in my mouth. He waited a few minutes for it to kick in.

And then I heard him and a smaller female rodent sing "I know I stand in line until you think you have the time to spend an evening with me. And then I go and spoil it all by saying somethin' stupid like I love you!"

Holy crap. They were doing Frank and Nancy Sinatra. I gotta' bring some of this cactus home. And with that, I heard a crunching sound as Mongo went to work on my bone.As he finished, I heard human voices above, yelling, "Katman! Can you hear us? Where are you?"

Map of Superstition Mountains. They found me!

I yelled out my location. Flashlights flooded the ravine and my rodent friends scattered.

"Yeah...a bunch of funny looking rodents came and got us. They scratched out a map with their noses and we followed it. Are you alright?"

I waved my stump and yelled. "I'm just peachy! Owie."

"Mongo...I love you!"


The Bottom Line: With the proper aging, I give it an 88

How do I put this politely?

"You are the weakest link. Goodbye.
"Please pack your knives and go."
"Now on the clock, the Detroit Lions."
"Take off your jacket and leave Hell's Kitchen."
"FAIL."

:-)
Posted via Mobile Device

Wow...that was kind of harsh. Was it really that bad?

I've got 9 clients who think I'm kinda' funny and that's what they want me to do for them.
Where is the disconnect?

Jeff,
Please tell me you didn't mean all those nasty things. That you were being sarcastic or funny. Because if you really meant it, that's just downright mean.
:-)

I simply don't find it funny. And with all of your posts about how crazy and hilarious your reviews are, I felt like I got Heavy Metal 2000.
Posted via Mobile Device

Never once said they were hilarious. Check it. I said they were silly and irreverent and probably best read after a 6 pack.
That's just really mean. And you had to put it out there for everyone to see.
Maybe it ain't Hemingway, but I've got retailers lining up to use me.
I guess you need to have a twisted sense of humor to enjoy them.
I'm sorry that you feel you had to rip me a new a**h**e.
If you can find even one post in which I claim to be hilarious, I will send you $100.
You really screwed up my day.

Didn't see any humor. Maybe I'm to young to understand it.

Not everyone is gonna love your stuff. And I *was* poking fun, hence the smiley. But if you're going to post stuff on the net, you may want to invest in a thicker skin. Ain't nothing but 1s and 0s...
Posted via Mobile Device

Wow. You really made him sad.

Your review and heading are a complete disconnect. Either it is a cigar you can recommend or something we should only smoke at our own risk. Also, I dont understand your conclusion. Was this an aged cigar? If so how old? If not, how do you know it will rate an 88 with age. :-)

Personally, I think you failed miserably at putting it "politely". Far from it.

If I call you an a$$hole but put a :-) after it, does that make it o.k.? I don't think so. I will be the first to admit that the reviews are somewhat off the wall and that they are not for everyone. I'm not a huge fan either but they certainly don't bother me.

Now, all that being said, feel free to critique the review(s) but public commentary on the person has never been permitted here.

I thought about PMing you but I think the message is important enough for everyone to heed.

I agree that phillips stuff is not for everyone. I for one find it a good read and a different way of doing something. I will admit that some are better then others but that also goes for people who write books or make movies, not everything is a best seller or a hit.

No need for anyone to be rude or anyone to take offense here. We are a great community here and we all need to remember the most important topic at hand......... Which is smoking good sticks while making good company


Now everyone take a breath, grab a drink and a stick and let's do what we do best and smoke and relax

:-):-):-):-):-)

Just not an Alabao by Perdomo. :-)

Lol no this calls for a black and mild errrrr I mean a CAO brazilia lol

After reading the above comments I feel the need to add my :-), which may be unnecessary. But I think it may be helpful for the author to know what I feel is a little off about the review and it may be that others feel the same.

About the review...

I find, at the end of this review, I can't really remember what was said about the cigar.

If I read this solely for entertainment I would probably get a kick out of it. But I feel I have no more education on the cigar than when I started, which to me is the whole point of a review.

I really do appreciate the effort to liven things up, but to me a happy median needs to be met. More information about the cigar and it would be an excellent review. As it is, it is a good read but not as good of a review.

But in the end, if you enjoy it the way it is, forget what other people say, keep doing your thing.

I guess I must have missed 60 minutes..........















Or 127 hours.


I'll be honest I couldn't read it, too lengthy. If it was all about the cigar I MIGHT have been able to read MOST of it.

If I were searching for a review on this particular cigar and found the one you posted,I would look for another more serious attempt at an actual review.
I'd probably pass over your other ones as well to save time if nothing else.
But that's just me.


Jeff we have a "no cigar snob" policy here,don't forget.
It's about cigars,nothing more.If you don't like someones review style,keep it to yourself please.

Phillip, thank you for sharing your work with us. Some might not enjoy it, but some would, just not for everyone. I am sorry that it wasn't a hit to some of the botl like you might have expected it to, but we all have different ways of doing reviews, nothing wrong with the way you do it. Continue what you are doing. Personally, I liked the fact that you put a lot of effort into it.

If you are still upset, send me your addy, I'll send you some blind cigars to review.

To a Certain degree Jeff was probably trying to give you some constructive Criticism,
but the flip side of it is that he really was rude, and that's uncalled for. Jeff brotha,
you "ARE NOT" the Simon Cowell of the cigar world! (Or at Least I hope you're not!):-)

Philip, there really is a disconnect between reviewing cigars, and telling a story,
i started reading your review on here, then I clicked on the link thinking it was
going to be one of those "Dan Reevish" read the review here, and click on my
page for the entire review, and the pics....

and it was an even more in depth story about the beatles, and something of
a review near the end... There were no pics, and honestly i really didn't get it.
I'm not trying to call you out, embarass you or anything of the sort....
I'm personally looking for more information about "The Cigar" when I read one, and seeing pics helps also!

In some way, i hope what I say helps, and that you don't feel as though i'm trying to rain on your parade because i'm not.

Sincerely,

"X"