All right, the marathon that is the Major League baseball regular season is in its closing mile, and it is finally time to talk that magic number that is that magic number. So we begin with:

New York Yankees, in the murderous "hate you and the horse Wade Boggs rode out on :-)" AL East = 16.

Detroit Tigers, in the Alphonse/Gaston "you take it, no you take it please :-)" AL Central = 20.

St. Louis Cardinals, in the "doesn't anybody else in this neck of the woods even play the game? :-)" NL Central = 14.

Let the countdown begin. :-)
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Update:

NY Walkoffs = 15 : Nick picks a Swisher sweet time to start smacking dingers in The Bronx.

Motown Tonys = 19 : Typical of this division, they back further into contention when the Twinkies yield 6 in the 6th.

SL Birds = 13 : Hoffman spits the bit, once mo' proving Mo better.

And our newest entries:

Philadelphia Phillies, in the "first in war, first in peace, and at least we're better than the Nats" NL East = 20. :-)

Brooklyn, uh, I mean Los Angeles Dodgers, in the "can I get a nice Pinot with my sushi taco" NL West = 20. :-)

The countdown continues.
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What's the Royals magic number nowadays? 2011?
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You wish. :-)
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Update:

NY Comebacks = 14 : Down 2-0 to up 4-2 when Georgie juiced one. Ho-hum, been there, done that. More important, Jeter ties The Iron Horse with 3-for-4, and when Balfour threw ball four to Jeets in the last AB, he got a booming Bronx cheer for walking The Captain instead of giving him a 3-2 pitch to hit. :-)

Motor City Kitties = 18 : "Beep-beeb-beeb-beep-beep-beep-beep"

Archway Tweets = 12 : Pujols pops Brewers' tops.

Philly Full-Of-Themselves = 19 : Hey, whaddaya know? They are one jack better than those aforesaid Nats.

Hollywood&Whiners = 20 : 1 E + 3 W = 1 L, and 0 D.

And our last to the dance:

Disney/Anaheim/Los Angeles/San Jose/Marina del Rey/Bakersfield/Wherever-the-hell-they-claim-to-play-this-season Angels, in the "hey fellas, can we play too?" :-) AL West = 20.

Two continue.
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Update, but no jokes on 9/11 from The Poet:

NYY = 14 : Idle, as was Boston.

DT = 18 : Swept by Royals; Jays edge Twins.

SLC = 12 : Idle, as was Cubs.

PP = 19 : 5 runs in 9th not enough against Nats.

LAD = 20 : Idle; Hot Rockies just 2 back after sweeping Reds.

LAA = 19 : Shut out Mariners to complete sweep.

Continues.
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Update:

NY Jeters = 14 : The Os could not migrate as far north as Fenway, but made it to The Bronx. But neither the loss nor the rain dampened the joy, as The Captain gets his record hit. Meanwhile, Boston lets Rays load 'em up in the 1st, then takes their balls and go home. Hey, they didn't wanna let their girly red sox get wet!

Hitsville Hitlesses = 17 : And the beep goes on. At this point, it seems they may back that garbage truck of theirs right into Yankee Stadium.

Gateway Avians = 12 : Jair Jurrjens (Who? What? Jar-Jar Binks, did you say?) gives Braves the shut-out. Or was it Albert Pool-Hall, dropping balls like Minnesota Fats?

Brotherly Lovelies = 17 : They beat the NY Mehs, while the Fish flounder against the Nahs. It's good to have friends in the basement.

Beverly Hills Bums = 19 : One group of Ex-Iles (Long Island) beat another (Manhattan). Well, guess it ain't 1951 this year.

Tomorrowland Hay-Lows = 18 : Angels are swooping, White Sox are drooping.

The countdown continues.
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Weekend update update:

Big Apple Anakins = 13 : The Chosen Ones salvage one against the ZerOs. Mo gets up then sits down inna 8th, as The Empire bats around and a half, and scores a TD and the 2-point conversion. Meanwhile the Rays are still chum in Fenway, bleeding worse than Schilling's sock.

The Mistakes Between Lakes = 15 : Hey, guess what? The Tigers win the battle of the rookie pitchers against the Jaybirds. That's right, you heard correctly - they actually won a game.

Missouri Breakfast Club = 11 : If these Birds weren't flying so high - and if the Cubbies could shoot worth a damn - this one might have gotten more interesting. However . . . .

Liberty Belles = 14 : Good weekend for the good team in PA - against the bad one in NY. Whatta shock.

Chavez Ravines = 16 : Interesting note - Torre's boys are 20 over .500 against the West, and only 6 over the Rest. Hmmmmm. Does that foretell a troubled future?

Laguna Beach Gidgets = 15 : Another interesting note - the Disneys are 2 UNDER .500 against the West. Don't mean $#!+, you think? Maybe so.

Continues.
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Update:

Tiffany Diamonds = 12 : Yankees steal one from Angels as a close play at 3rd turns into a 2-base fubar.

Windsor Whiz-Katz = 14 : On a roll now, with 2 in a row. It's no mistake, though it was an error. Can anyone stop this GM juggernaut?

Loo City Suets = 10 : Cards have a hitting Halladay - and iffy pitching.

Franklin Junior Mints = 13 : The Fish still flounder, and idle Phils gain one - by keeping Lidge idle, likely.

O'Malley Valley Boys = 14 : Trolley Dodgers beat up on woeful Pirates, while Rockies slide down the mountain.

Tarzana Teacups = 14 : Tomko's complete game shutout of Tejas is a Godsend to Angels. Hey, had he pitched that way earlier, he could have done so in The Bronx instead of Arlington!

Continues.
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Update, but first this word from our sponsor:

It seems T. S. Eliot was no big baseball fan, since obviously it breeds more false hopes than does April. How many teams - well, fans of teams anyway - are thinking today that "Hey, we may not be out of it yet!"

Now back to our regularly scheduled program:

Bronx Zoolanders = 12 : Even the also-rans get up for the Yankees. Yet the most significant effect last night was that the Red Sox helped their foe maintain the lead for best record and home field.

Doctored Detroits = 14 : Lukewarm Twinkies thinking they are just 4 back of tepid Tigers - but that 4 is 5 on the loss side. It is easier to win than make the other lose at a distance.

Riverside Redbirds = 10 : Cubbies have gotten hot, while the Cards are feeling a nip in the air. But 8.5 games in two weeks is asking a lot.

Independence Haulers = 12 : Both the Marlins and Braves have kept pace over last 10 games - however, keeping pace ain't gonna cut it.

Branch Rickities = 12 : What was a race is becoming increasingly rocky for Colorado.

Compton Cherubs = 13 : On-the-road odds catching up with the Angels, and only Ranger ineptitude saving their bacon lately.

Continues.
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Update:

Harlem River Heartbreakers = 11 : It's the same old story; 2 runs in the first, 2 to tie in the 8th, then a walk-off game-winner in the 9th from a pair of their overpaid All Stars - Brett Gardner and Frank Cervelli. Speaking of walk-offs . . .

Laguna Beach Babes = 12 : . . . they get 2 out with none on in Fenway, then closer Fuentes walks one, gives up two weak infield bleeders, strikes out Nick Green twice (according to the Angels anyway) then walks him once to tie, then Gonzalez plops one in front of Juan Rivera, who did not dive for it to try and save the game. Good thing for them that Texas continues in freefall.

Asleep In Detroit Cities = 13 : Tigers continue to back up into October, but Minnesota has other ideas. Yet can they translate them into reality?

Red Blues = 9 : Cards lose, but Cubbies stumble in their last-gasp pitch, and I think that this one's ready for the fork.

Delaware Gaptooths = 11 : When you look at the competiton - Marlins, Braves, Mets, and Senators, uh, Nationals, none of whom having done much this century (if then), where's the shock?

Rodeo Drivers = 11 : Ibid, except it's the Rockies, Giants, Padres, and D'backs.

Continues.
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Update:

Yankee Clippers = 10 : While the idle Yanks were enjoying surf-and-turf with a nice Willamette pinot noir in Seattle's finest last night, Boston loses the first of its 3 games-in-hand -- which is the problem with games-in-hand. You have to win them, or they are just anchors pulling you down. Speaking of anchors - Exit Sandman wannabe.

Yen For Clunkers = 13 : Are the Tiggers circling the field, or circling the drain? We'll know soon enough.

The Second Best Franchise In Baseball = 8 : Cards take night off, but Cubs lose again. It's head-to-head this weekend -- have you found that fork yet?

Rittenhouse Squares = 10 : Phils double-up on Nats. Why don't they pick on somebody their own size?

Antelope Freeway Freaks = 11 : And pretty much the same story here, with a win over Pirates on Manny Bobblehead Day. Question is, how could they tell the dolls from the real bobblehead?

Watts Towers = 11 : Angels visit Arlington now, which helps the Yankees either way. If they lose, it helps for home-field advantage, and if they win it helps assure Yanks of at least the wild card.

Continues.
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Update:

NY All-Stars = 10 : Yes, Mo is human after all, and blew his 2nd save of the season. But why didn't Joe have him walk Ichiro, what with 1st base open, I wanna know.

Delirium Tremens = 13 : The Tigers drunken stagger towards October has put them only 3 above the Twinkies.

Saint Louie Flewies = 6 : Big shocker here, as Cards beat sinking Cubs. If you've not found your fork yet, I'll let you borrow mine.

Chestnut Streeters = 8 : And 9 games better in the loss side over both Marlins and Braves. I think I need my fork back.

Ebbets Westfields = 10 : Pain and gain, as Dodgers and Rockies lose.

Pasadena Puttis = 9 : Win over Rangers helps them and the BoSox.

Continues.
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Weekend update update update:

Metro Road Wearies = 9 : The Jets slap the Pats, the Giants poke the Cowboys, and the Mets bite the Nats - for what that's worth. Now if only the Yankees could win a couple we could kick this party off proper.

Ford Edsels = 11 : Tigers avoid a sweep in the HHHH, and are glad to see the last of it. And, just like the Edsel, they are not really as bad as people think - they merely never got going in a tight market.

Redbirds = 4 : With that 10-game lead, they can go 4 of 10 without leaking blood -- especially as Cubbies ain't doing any cutting to speak of, unless you mean Milton Bradley.

Rocky Balboas = 6 : Only the Braves have made any attempt to move, yet the Phils have kept their lead. What a shocker - this one could have been called in April.

LA ExLax = 8 : Rockies stop sliding downhill, but likely too little too late.

Tinkerbells = 7 : And the Strangers 7 down on the loss side. Turn the oven down, and set the timer.

Continues.
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Update:

NY Stinkies = 8 : Lately, if the pitching's good, the hitting sucks, and if the hitters do their job the pitchers blow up. Oh well, the lead's still there, and Boston has likely made its move already. Don't want that fork yet, but hopefully soon.

GM Recalls = 11 : Tigers idle - which is probably a good thing - but the Twins were not. A lead of 2.5 games in this putrid division means nothing either way.

Arch Rivals = 3 : Cubbies couldn't gain 10 games against Hickory Crawdads this late. It's all over but for Pinella's weeping.

Schuykill Skulkers = 6 : Idle last night, but can land the Fish by taking 2 today. Plus the Braves are ripe for the chopping block also - especially if the NY Nyets can get to Jar-Jar.

Melrose First-Placers = 8 : Tough roadtrip for the Dodgers now - against the Nats, the Pirates, and the Padres. Sheesh.

Rancho Cucamongas = 6 : Angels pitch Santana tonight (no, not that one, and not Carlos either), who has lost his last 4 starts, against Gaudin (and Yanks have won all 4 of his starts). Mean anything? I'll let you know tomorrow.

Continues.
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Update, with footnote:

(x) Major Deegan Expressways = 6 : Well, it wasn't pretty, but Yankees finally beat Angels in - where the heck do they claim to play this week? Good night all around, with Tejas losing and Yanks winning to clinch playoffs twice within an hour (after an interminable haitus of a whole year) Boston dropping another to the powerful Royals, Jeter getting 200th hit for 7th season, and Mo bouncing back with 41st save.

Michigan Puddytats = 10 : Two wins in a row now, to stay 2.5 ahead of Twinkies. Things are (yawnnnnn) heating up here.

West St. Louis Boogaloos = 2 : As this could end tonight, not much more to say here. It shall end, and soon.

Ardmore PawPaws = 5 : Braves jump over Marlins, but will not catch the Phils.

101 90210s = 7 : Dodgers edge Gnats 14-2. Think they needed to save some runs for the other 2 games? I don't.

Glendale Trainwrecks = 5 : Angels need to send a fruitbasket up to Oakland for the help, and maybe Boston should chip in too.

(x) = clinched playoff spot

Continues.
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Update, with still just one footnote:

(x) Macombs Dam Yankees = 5 : Another playoff-atmosphere win against Angels, with more subs than the Russian mothball fleet. Boston takes one in KC, but needs the game-in-hand tonight if they want this weekend in The Bronx to mean more than bragging rights.

Fisher Bodies = 9 : And the Tigers finally get this to single-digits by whuppin' up on the Tribe - extending their losing streak to 10. Yeah, big whup.

Busch Leaguers = 1 : No joy in Minute Maid Mudville last night, but they can back in this evening - well, this morning for most of us - if Bad Penny and the Giants can dump Dempster and the Cubs.

Pattison Ave. Putzes = 5 : Phils are trying their damnest to keep this one interesting, but really, who cares besides them?

Bel Airheads = 6 : Had Rockies gone 6-4 instead of 4-6 they may have made this one a bit more dicey for Torre's boys. However, if wishes were dishes we'd all be in Chinatown.

Santa Anas = 5 : Now that the pressure of the wild-card race is off the Rangers' rednecks, they can get back to winning games again. It won't keep the Angels out, but it will - well, actually, it won't do much for anybody'd be my guess.

(x) = clinched playoff spot

Continues.
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Update, and STILL just one footnote:

(x) Concourse Grandees = 5 : New York idle, and Boston wins second game-in-hand to get split with Royals. Now the fun starts. It's not realistic for Yankees to expect a sweep in The Bronx, but Red Sox almost have to. If Yanks win even one game, then Sox are looking at running their table while hoping Yanks go 1-5, or at best 2-4, against KC and Tampa Bay.

River Rouges = 8 : Oh boy, the Tigers are smoking now with a 4-game streak - and actually wins this time. Yet we still have to wait to see who blinks first, or last.

The Ville Viles = 1 : Cubbies stave off one more night with 2 in the 9th against SF, which gives Cards 2 shots this evening - one orally, one rectally.

Kings Of Prussia = 4 : If Phils can can Brewers tonight, they will all but wrap this up - and maybe they better, as they cannot count on help with Braves/Nats or Marlins/Mets games. Now THAT'S all butt, if you're asking me.

Alhambra Castles = 4 : Think they can end this joke against Pirates and Padres? Who set up this schedule anyway? As I said above - sheesh.

Garden Grover Clevelands = 4 : Travel day yesterday, for that long haul to Oakland, but the As smacked Rangers for them. Don't think they needed the help - this one was toast before.

(x) = clinched playoff spot

Continues.
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Update, and STILL STILL just one footnote:

(x) Joltin' Joe Girardis = 3 : Yanks knock Lester out early, figuratively and literally. Glad the kid only has a bruised quad after that liner to his knee - he's had enough trouble in his life already. And it's too early to say that Joba rules, but he did pitch very well in a game that was not as close as the final.

Hamtramck OffTracks = 8 : Twinkies only 2 back of Tigers again, who have to host them for 4 sandwiched between White Sox. Boys, we have us a race here! OK, I heard that - who said "Who cares?"

Kosciusko Foul Poles = 1 : Are the Cards being cards, trying to make this interesting? Well, it ain't workin'. Get it over with already, fer Kris'sakes.

Bryn Marginals = 4 : The Braves are doing their best to make it a race, and the Phils are co-operating. It's too little too late, yet you have to give Hot'Lanta props.

McArthur Parks = 4 : One loss is no meltdown, but against the Pitts? Gimme a break here - what exactly are you dodging?

Orange Picos = 4 : A loss at home against the bottom-feeding A's is not earth-shaking, but it's not San Andreas' fault that the Angels have been playing .500 ball for a month now. Can you say Lucifer?

(x) = clinched playoff spot.

Continues.
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Weekend update, with footnotes, plural, finally:

(y) New York Yankees = 0 : Pretty nice weekend in The Apple. Jets, Giants, Mets - oh, and yeah, the Yanks sweep Boston to grab the AL East. Want some symmetry numbers? NY gets 100th win, wins East, wins overall best AL record, and after starting the season 0-8 against Red Sox end up with 9-9 record. You want more? Cano joins Jeter with 200th hit, Teixeira gets 120th RBI with 38th HR, and Mo earns 44th save from where he belongs - on the mound when they clinch. Oh, and Yankees go through 300 bottles of "Whatever" champagne in 20 minutes. It's party time - until next week.

Rambler Wrecks = 6 : Twins blew a chance to cut this lead to 1 stinkin' game, but can still leapfrog Tigers with a sweep starting tonight, or tie with 3 of 4. Hmmmm. As I said at the top, the Alphonse/Gaston division is open to anyone who wants it - if anyone ever decides that they do.

(y) St. Louis Cardinals = 0 : The Redbirds back in, and Cubbies "wait 'til next millenium" nightmare continues. Didn't know that Cardinals could fly backwards, did you?

Main Line Septics = 3 : Braves still pushing, but Phillies actually win a game - against sub .500 Brewers. This one's over, but Philly does not look good at this point.

(x) Gardena Weedies = 1 : And since they have already lost their 3rd against the Pirates today, while Rockies are idle, it will be 1 again tomorrow too. You think Torre's a bit cheesed that his Dodgers have scored only 2 total runs in 2 of those 3 losses to the Pitts? The power report from LA is a total blackout. Well, at least they've clinched a wild-card.

Yorba Lindas = 2 : Angels top A's, Rays edge Rangers. Not much more to say here. With all the contenders except Yankees and Twins going 5-5 lately, all the juice is lemon.

(x) = clinched playoff spot ; (y) = clinched division title

Continues, for a bit longer.
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