My dad is king of colloquialisms. Everything was hot as something, cold as something, wet as something, etc., you get the drift. I grew up around that and I use a lot of them on a daily basis myself, so I thought it's be fun to see the ones you guys say or like. That's right, guys, as colloquialisms seem to be a guy thing. Some of my personal favorites, most of which I use from time to time and some I often hear. Posting here might give me some new ones. :-)

Hard as Chinese algebra.
High as a Georgia pine.
F***ed up as Hogan's goat.
Hot as the hinges of hell.
Hot as Hades.
Cold as a landlord's heart.
Cold as a witches tit in a brass bra.
Cold as a gravediggers a$$.
Warm as in your mother's arms.
Lost as last year's Easter egg.
F***ed up as a can of worms.
Tight as a hat band.
Quick as grease through a goose.
Slick as owl $hit.
Sweating like a whore in church.
Bleeding like a stuck pig.
Horny as a two d*ck goat.
Dumb as a bag of hammers.
Dumb as a box of rocks.
He's a couple cards short of a full deck.
His elevator doesn't go to the top floor.
Off like a prom dress.
Heading out like a newborn.
Busy as a one-armed paper hanger.
Lord willing and the creek don't rise.


I'll post more as I hear them or they come to mind.
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F***ed up like a football bat.
Finer than frogs hair, split ways.
He's a couple cans short of a six-pack.
Hotter than a fresh f***ed fox in a forest fire.
Busier than a one legged man in an a$$ kicking contest.
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Great list, Jamie!

F***ed up as Hogan's goat?! :-) I'd love to hear the origin of that one.

Here's a couple:

Dumb as a bowl of hair.
Slower than molasses in the wintertime.
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What a Nickerson.
Crazier than a shithouse rat.
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Harder to find than teeth on a hen.
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Drunk as Cooter Brown.
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Going down like a prom date
Serious as a heart attack
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Lights are on but nobody's home.
A couple cards short of a full deck.
Not the brightest bulb in the box.
Has a face for radio.

Hockey Specific:

I'd trade ________ for a bag of pucks.
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Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick

Better than a peck on the head with a sharp rock

(Grandpa was a bit of a pessimist.)
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Couple Fries short of a Happy Meal.

She looks like 40 miles of Bad Road.
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Sillier than MCS
The lights are on but the furnace filter needs replaced
Dumber than a box of boxes
More uncomfortable than Jerry Springer in a room with normal people
As supercilious as John Mayer


MCS
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This'll kill a couple hours if you let it.

http://www.idiomconnection.com/
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older than dirt
dumber than dirt
scarcer than hens teeth
slicker than s**t on a pump handle
tighter than Dick's hatband
useless as tits on a bull
useless as buttons on a beer barrel
hot as a $2 pistol
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Crazy as a $hithouse rat (can't believe I forgot that one)
Also used tight as Dick's hatband (just don't know where that one comes from, either)
Wound tight as an 8 day watch (my dad used to say that)
Hard as times in the 40s (he's said that a lot, too)
Rode hard and put up wet
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Slicker than snot
Like a monkey f'ing a football
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Like she was hit in the face with a hot sack of nickels
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Crazy as a rat in a round room.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
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Tougher than a 50 cent steak
All hat no cattle
A little sweet in the seat
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A face like a bag of door knobs
he looks like he got beat with an ugly stick
got an ass like a government mule
gonna beat you like a rented mule
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Happy as a whore with a bag full of dildos.
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