Good one, Scott. When I read that, I thought, that makes a hell of a lot of sense.

My mom was always kind of cooky (nervous and sensitive) when I was growing up, but my dad was solid. I was solid until 1996. I had already battled my way through college in the early 90s, which I saw as very stressful, and thought life was finally on easy street. Right after I had gotten engaged, I started with the anxious feelings. Never had experienced it. Seems I was thinking too much about my future and a feeling of no longer being on control of my destiny (like anyone ever is). One bad thought led to two, etc. Within a month, I was full blown anxious. Stress and anxiety are two very different things. This wasn't stress I had. It felt like I had a strap tightening around my chest. It made it hard to breath. My body hurt. My joints hurt. I couldn't eat. My throat felt like it was nearly closed shut and swallowing food was nearly impossible. Lost 15 lbs in a couple of months. I couldn't sleep, to the point I dreaded nightfall. Dreaded is an understatement. I prayed. I cussed. After 3-4 months, I was spinning out of control and could barely stand it anymore. I really didn't feel like living the rest of my life feeling like that. I remember telling my dad I think I've had enough. Also seemed no one really understood. I only talked to a few people about it. Kind of embarrassed as I felt weak-willed or something. I started seeing a Dr. Took Zoloft for a year or so. Took thousands of 1 mg Ativans to try to combat the anxiety. Smoked lots of natural remedy, but that often made it worse. Probably had depression too from trying to deal with the anxiety. I was f*cked up. Really. My brain needed to be restarted, it was in a very bad rut. From a 10 to a 1 in a matter of months. I didn't know what had happed to me. I had always had the most positive attitude and outlook on life. I really thought I was doomed. And I couldn't figure out a way to fix it and that really frustrated me. It seemed every time I felt better, I'd start thinking about it and go haywire again. It was affecting my entire life, from family, to frinds, to work. I thank my wife for sticking with me. I thank my dad for helping me cope. He gave me words of wisdom that only a dad can give. I emmersed myself in a close friend's church and I got some comfort knowing others were praying for me. I knew no matter what, God, family, medicine, etc., it was up to me to change my way of thinking. I took long walks or went jogging. I went to the mall to be around people, as I would go crazy being by myself and feeling this way. I emmersed myself in hobbies. I put together dozens of 1000 piece puzzles. I bought a telescope and started studying star charts. I started doing woodworking. I kept my mind as busy as I could to keep it from thinking negative thoughts. I started to see that I had so much to be thankful for. I saw where I was so much more fortunate than others around me and I tried to live that way. I adopted the "live for today" mentality. I tried to think positive at all times. By 1998 I was off all the meds and I was somewhat happy again. If I started feeling 'weird' again, I'd find something to take my mind off of it. I'd say it was some time in the early 00s before I thought of myself as healed and I know longer feared a relapse. I guess every cloud has a silver lining - I have been able to help two employees of mine over the years deal with the same thing. I explained my symptoms and I listened to their's. Giving someone a trusting person to talk to, that has experienced what they're dealing with, is an incredible gift. Hopefully my experience will continue to help others. At least they know there can be an end and life can get back to how they remember it.

Good luck, brother! If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm a PM away. Phone call if that doesn't help.

Live for today, but plan for tomorrow!
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I don't suffer from anxiety or stress, but I think I'm a carrier.:-)
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:-)You inspire Scott.:-)
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I don't but my girlfriend does she is on lexapro and abilify and whenever needed she takes Xanax. She also has bipolar disorder. those drugs seem to help her out tremendously.
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That's a great statement. When I graduated from IU I suffered with anxiety for almost a year. The stress of finding a real job and being dirt poor really took it's toll. When I would get stressed or think about my current situation I would get real bad gag reflexes. It was weird but it controlled my life. Ultimately I would end up vomiting every time. I would just have to calm myself down, eat a candy, and take half a muscle relaxer to relieve the muscle tension in my throat and neck. Eventually I was able to beat it after finding a good job and learning not to keep all my feelings internal. It still rears it's ugly head every once and a while when I get really stressed but for the most part it's in my past and would love to keep it there. Good luck with your struggle, anxiety can be very tough to deal with and I feel your pain.
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:-) Wisdom. Too bad it's so hard to follow.
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It ain't mine, brother. You're as welcome to it as I was. :-)

I let all the anxiety and depression take me to sticking a gun in my mouth. It took cold steel to go "wtf, man?" I knew I could be happy, cause I was before. I knew I could be at peace, because I was before.
The anxiety was the easiest thing to fix.
I found that I had made habit of "knowing" what was going to happen. I knew what people were thinking. I would go over every single thing that was going to happen and compute 1000 outcomes so I could be prepared for any situation, because if I didn't, something absolutely horrible would certainly happen that was out of my control.
My kid could fall down the steps, I could crash the car, I could lose my job, whatever. I had to be eternally vigilant so that I could do the perfect thing at the perfect time so that everything worked out exactly as I had preordained.
It worked out for sh1t, but I bought into that line of thinking 100%, mostly because it had worked well for so long. The wheels really started coming off when it stopped working.
I learned that I don't have a crystal ball.
I learned that I don't know what people are thinking.
I learned that what people think of me is none of my business.
The hardest one to swallow was that I wasn't in control of anything, ever.
There were lots of other things I had to learn, as well, but that's kinda the jist of it.

I was taught that if I worked hard, did my best, and never gave up, I could achieve anything.
I did just that and became very successful. Everything came my way, and it all came easily.
When things started going south, I found it was the greatest lie I had ever bought into. Every fortune I ever had was given me by God's Grace. That one took lots of years for me to even begin to understand.

That aside, I was told to employ a "bullsh1t detector". Every time I started thinking I knew what was going to happen next, or started to think into the future, horns and lights went off in my head and I immediately stopped myself. I didn't have a reason why to do it, or know what would happen. I was just told to do it and did it religiously.
It was very difficult in the beginning. I'd try like hell to stop thinking and just couldn't do it. So I started banging my head on the wall. Literally.
I had a favorite spot between the kitchen and the dining room with a nice wide board in the doorway where I wouldn't catch a corner and cut my forehead. (That got old and made me feel stupid.)
I found that enough pain would stop my brain.
Eventually I got smart enough that it wasn't worth the pain. I'd just stop thinking, albeit grudgingly, and start up again at the very first opportunity.
Habits are very hard to break, and patterns of thinking are just that, habit.

Ultimately, the lasting "cure" for the anxiety came through Faith. Understanding that God has always loved me and always will love and provide for me is what I believe with all my heart and soul. Now I don't have to think about what's coming next, don't project into the future, and don't suffer the physical effects of my old way of thinking. If I end up living under a bridge in a box, I am 100% okay with that. I can still be happy in a box, in the mud, eating out of garbage cans. It'll be a far easier way to live than I live right now, and it'll require a lot less responsibility, and I hate responsibility.

Depression takes a lot more work, and requires a lot more humility, work and time, but I found that there was a lot of relief from giving up on the "what if's". What if I had done it this way, what if I had said this instead, what if I hadn't done this, the list goes on ad finitum.
I used the bullsh1t detector and the foyer wall for that, too.
Ultimately I had to go back and right all the wrongs, make amends, ask forgiveness from all the people I'd hurt along the way, and then I was able to ask God's forgiveness. That cleaned the slate, and the depression has been gone since.

The whole "fix" takes a lot of time. There's a lot of avenues, and lots of different levels of relief. Some people are happy with just feeling well enough that they don't want to kill themselves every day.
I've heard mention that people have found ways to get it done without God, and that they're perfectly content. I can't comment on that cause I didn't go that way. What I do know is that I tried all the drugs, all the alcohol, all the counselors, all the psychiatrists, all the doctors, and everything anyone suggested for about five years and none gave me any lasting relief. That five years of effort ended up with me sucking on a .35 Remington in my dining room.

I can go on forever, but all I really wanted to say is that there's a way out. Once you know that, there's Hope. As long as there's Hope, there's a reason to keep trying.
You'll be fine. Just work on it, and know it takes time to change old habits. Know this, too...
I found I couldn't fix a sick mind with a sick mind. That's why I had to take direction from others and do what I was told. If I was still trying to fix my head by myself, I'd be right where I started. :-)
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Absolutely,,,every time I get behind the wheel of my car I get 'high" anxiety,,,when I get in a short line at the grocery store it takes 3x as long as the other line that had 3x the people. When I ask for directions from some local yokel where a certain place is,,they give me directions that take me in a complete circle. I find that cigars replace a lot of built up tension in life,,,when you are feeling that roller coaster ride of anxiety it's time to light up and sit back.
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Anxiety and depression here. Took some different drugs and decided to handle it head on. I get it honest. Both mom and dad had it. I do a lot of visualization stuff to calm down and treat my depression as game I have to win. My depression makes me want to stay in bed and do nothing. It actually tries to paralyze me. I find if I can get out of bed and start interacting with people, I can put it behind me for the day. Then I gotta do the same thing tomorrow. The drugs "changed" who I was even if they provided some relief so, I'd rather take the considerable energy to take it on without. Some things that have helped is forcing myself into uncomfortable situations like a job in sales. I know some folks are worse off than me but I also know I could be a lot worse if I didn't deal with it my way. That's more info than I thought I'd share on a message board! One thing to mention is that people who suffer anxiety/depression are usually on the high-end of the intelligence scale.

Good luck to all in this thread. Sometimes it's just good to know you're not alone.

MCS
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Hey Scott,
I had a bunch of tests done along the way and found out that the seasonal depression, or whatever doldrums remain in me are because my vitamin d drops to near nothing in the fall and remains that way till spring.
The docs suggested taking vitamin d off the shelf and it did nothing except make my stomach hot.
Then they suggested light therapy. I didn't want to spend the money for the machine, so I started going to the tanning booth with my girls a couple times a week in the winter. It brings my vitamin d up, and the "don't want to get out of bed" and all the other stuff goes away.
Go figure.



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I have a copy of "The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook", if you want to read it I'd be happy to lend it to you. It's kind of bland reading, but it explains reasoning for anxiety, panic attacks, phobias, etc. It also has step by step directions on relaxing, exercises, breathing, and even some nutrition and medication suggestions. It was highly suggested by some doctors and also on the Borders top seller list. Let me know and I'll ship it out to you.

I also take St. John's Wort. I'm not big on on natural supplements and am not fully convinced so far, but I figured it was worth a shot, it was only $16.00 for about a 5 month supply. I also have Gotu Kola supplements but have not taken any. Both were recommended in the book.
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I'm a psych major, and when it comes to anxiety, studies show that the best form of treatment is a combination of medication and cognitive-behavioral treatment. Keep trying the meds, they WILL work. Make sure you see someone to talk about the latter treatment. It can be anything from social support groups to visiting a psychologist and learning specified relaxation techniques.
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when I lived in New Jersey on the shore, I went into a 4 month depression after the summer ended and the 4 months of gloom set in. I moved to Florida and cured some of the seasonal disorder.

When I got into my mid 30's, I started getting midlife crisises and bought a Harley and had a kid.

Now I'm in my 40's and stressed, went on prozac, am trying to excercise more, and really try to avoid negative people and negative situations and find that it is really important to find something that releases stress and make time for it a couple times a week.
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I went thru major bout in early 80's ended up outside on mother-in-law's lawn, puking guts up. Week later, at doc's, thinking heart attack in my 20's!!

Many tests later, thinks stuck up both ends, no problems found, closest stupid doc could say was spastic colan, take these pills three times a day.

Then I heard a radio ad that described my symptoms to a "T". Had me nailed 100% Took the course that was offered, was at a community type school, about stress, its causes, and remedies. Taught by a doc from South Africa. Found that I was big time Type A, and that having three major life events in 3 years or less (New Job, Marriage and new home) made me prime candidate for stress and anxiety related issues. Course was major help. Also found that Dale Carangie's "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" was some help. I also talk to God a lot more. Hope he listens, but in any event, I find it helps just to get things off my chest.

I wish I could say that I'm cured, but no such luck. I do, however, have a little better handle on it, know symptoms are a physical reaction to my often piss poor ability to handle my stress and anxiety levels. It halps to go back and re-establish the relaxation and bio-feedback thecniques I learned in the class. But, mostly, I have flare-ups from time to time when I have to sit back and acknowledge what is bothering me. The most apparant manifestations I have when my stress and anxiety level kicks up is that I have difficulty in handling crowded places, and fight like hell any actions requiring me to eat in public places.

Everyone has things that trigger their attacks. As a self employed. one person business, I know that money issues are one of my major triggers. Since I'm involved in Real Estate, these days I definitely worry about money, which has the result that I've been re-fighting anxiety attacks more in the last 12 months than in the last decade or so.

Kinda in line with what floydpink said, my mom tells me that "It's not what I'm eating, it's what's eating me" She's correct, of course. I know it, but still have to fight to control it!

Good luck in handling your issues. Do look into classes about dealing with stress, and keep an open mind. I know that there are many drugs out there that my RN wife swears are real life savers for many suffers. Having some non-medical remedies can also be a big plus. Now, if I can just follow my own advise, i would be great!!!
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I used to be as weak as a worm in the sun. Now im strong as a rock (mentally).

Drugs are GOOD mmmKay.

Image
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Man, im glad i read this thread!
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I get it very bad when I lay down to go to sleep at night. Happens about once or twice a week. Sometimes wakes me up. I am not big on medicine so my Dr refered me to a phsycologist and we did not even talk about what could be causeing it. We just talked about breathing exersices to get it to calm down and help me relax. I still get the attacks, but the controlled breathing usually helps and I fall asleep or back to sleep shortly. there are plenty of Dr's that can steer you to the drug alternative.

Good-luck
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I wear two wristbands, one on each arm. Unlike those loud yellow or pink ones you often see, these are more sedately toned. The right one is gray, and says "Ennui", and the left one is black and says "Nihilism." They are a constant reminder to me of my philosopy of life, gleaned after years of hardships and heartbreaks - namely, "#^@+ it all, I don't give a #^@+."

It's the misanthropic version of Ommmmmmmmmm.
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I have never been diagnosed with anxiety, but a MD friend of mine is firmly of the belief that my many health problems over the last few months are caused, at least in part, by stress.

A couple of months ago, I had what my MD friend suspects was a panic attack in the classroom in front of my students. I honestly thought I was having a heart attack. Cold, clammy sweats, dizziness, shortness of breath. But EKG turned up nothing suspicious. At the time, I was VERY stressed at work and home. I must say, however, my wife has been a ROCK through all this.

In the last two months, I have had severe difficulty sleeping. I have trouble falling asleep. When I do get to sleep, it's a fitful sleep. If I wake up earlier than planned (e.g. I wake up at 4 when I don't need to be up till 7) I can't fall back asleep.

I have a sleep study next week so that a professional can tell me what I've suspected for a long while, that I have sleep apnea. I am morbidly obese and I'm sure that that contributes to my health problems as well.

Thanks for letting me vent.
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Nice thread fellows.

I get it bad on planes sometimes but I think many people do so it is worked as Scott says with breathing and just trying to calm down.

On the other hand the gf gets it pretty bad and it is hell to go through sometimes especially with all the trips I make.

I like the phrase that depression is lookin ginto the past and anxiety looking into the future. I will surely remember that for a talk with her.

Thanks for the great replies.

Travis
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