1. Drinking is fun.

2. Drinking is everything you do in a bar, including talking, going to the john, and overhearing the conversations of others.

3. Craft cocktails tend to take a long time to make. Mixology.

4. At a place that serves craft cocktails, a drinker may order a second drink before he has finished the first. Logistics.

5. Bars are not temples of mixology.

6. Drinkers aren't supplicants.

7. Although when the bartender at the temple of mixology puts half your manhattan in a separate vessel and nestles that vessel in a bowl of crushed ice and places it next to your glass? That's worthy of praise. Very cold cocktails always are.

8. However, sometimes you don't want a craft cocktail, because sometimes it doesn't taste better. Sometimes it's raining and your flight is delayed and you're 1,000 miles from home, and you just want the lady wearing the maroon vest behind the bar to pour some gin into a glass with some tonic, and you just want to drink it and smile and think of home.

9. There is no shame in ordering a double for two dollars more.

10. A drinker should be tended to. If a bartender serving a modest crowd does not ask if you want another drink upon your finishing your drink, then that bartender is a bad bartender.

11. It is not known who supplies the restroom graffiti, but their efforts are worthy of appreciation.

12. A bar may not always improve a mood. But it can make it worse.

13. A drink can improve a mood. Because it is made with alcohol, which is a drug.

14. Sometimes a bartender's mustache is just a mustache. Usually not, but sometimes. Depends what kind of bar you're in.

15. You can chuckle at the presence of house-made bitters — we all have. But know this: The house-made bitters are terrific. And they improve a drink.

16. And look, they're not going to the trouble of making bitters because they don't care how your drink tastes.

17. The best bartender conversations do not involve the discussion of spirits.

18. If you get even the slightest feeling that the bartender feels he is doing you a favor by mixing you a drink, you are in the wrong bar.

19. With a few exceptions, the best bartender is a smiling bartender. Because drinking is fun.
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"To alcohol. The cause of....and solution to...all life's problems". - Homer Simpson

"Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.” - W.C Fields

"I don't drink water. Fish f*ck in it.” - W.C. Fields

“Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.” - W.C. Fields

“I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.” - W.C. Fields

What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?” - W.C. Fields

"My advice to you is to start drinking heavily." - John Belushi

"Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son." - John Vernon

"If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. " - Dean Martin

"I like my whiskey old and my women young. " - Errol Flynn

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." - Hunter S. Thompson

"Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough." - Mark Twain

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -Benjamin Franklin

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." -Henny Youngman

"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it." -Rodney Dangerfield

"To some it's a six-pack. To me it's a support group." -Leo Durocher
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Ok you found better ones than I did...here are some more

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."
-Ernest Hemingway

"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
-Humphrey Bogart

"There can't be good living where there is not good drinking."
- Benjamin Franklin


"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
-Frank Sinatra

"I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered."
-George Best

“When used separately, women and alcohol can be a lot of fun, but when you mix the two you become a dumbass.”
~ That 70’s Show

I may be drunk, but in the morning i‘ll be sober and you‘ll still be ugly. – Winston Churchill,
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I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy~Randy Hanzlick


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“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?
There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
― Drew Carey
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