"THE FIVE MOST DANGEROUS THINGS IN THE US ARMY"
A Private saying "I learned this in Boot Camp..."
A Sargent saying "Trust me, sir..."
An 2nd LT. saying "Based on my experience..."
A Captain saying "I was just thinking..."
A 1st Sgt chuckling, "Watch this $hit ..."
NOW THEY TELL ME
During a commercial airline flight a 1st Sgt was seated next to a young mother with a baby in arms. When her baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing her infant as discreetly as possible.
The 1st Sgt pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related articles. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, he responded, "Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!" Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said breast feeding would help alleviate the
pressure in the baby's ears. The 1st Sgt sadly shook his head, and in true US Army fashion exclaimed........ And all these years I've been chewing gum.
Army OFFICERS and 1st SGT
A group of 1st SGT and a group of Army Officers take a train to a conference. Each Army Officer holds a ticket. But the entire group of 1st SGT's has bought only one ticket for a single passenger. The Officers are just shaking their heads and are secretly pleased that the arrogant 1st SGT's
will finally get what they deserve. Suddenly one of the 1st SGT's calls out: "The conductor is coming!" At once, all the 1st Sgt's jump up and squeeze into one of the toilets. The conductor checks the tickets of the Officers. When he notices that the toilet is occupied he knocks on the door and says: "Ticket, please!" One of the 1st Sgt's slides the single ticket under the doors and the conductor continues merrily on his round. For the return trip the Officers decide to use the same trick. They buy only one ticket for the entire group but they are baffled as they realize that the 1st Sgt's didn't buy any tickets at all. After a while one of the 1st Sgt's announces again: "The conductor is coming!" Immediately all the Officers race to a toilet and lock themselves in. All the 1 Sgt's leisurely walk to the other toilet. Before the last 1st Sgt enters the toilet, he knocks on the toilet occupied by the Officers and says: "Ticket, please!"
Moral of the story? -- Officers like to use the methods of the 1st Sgt's, but they don't really understand them.
1st SGT AND 3 LIEUTENANTS
One day, a 1st Sgt went to the Officer's Club with his Colonel to eat lunch. When they entered the main dining room, they found the place was crowded. They did notice three Lieutenants sitting at a table with two empty chairs, so the Colonel asked them if they could join them. They promptly invited them to join them. They ordered lunch and joined them in conversation as they ate. At one point, the 1st Sgt mentioned he had observed characteristics about many officers from which he could determine the sources of their commissioning. The Lieutenants were eager to hear about this and asked if he could tell how each of them had been commissioned.
The 1st Sgt. turned to the Lieutenant on his left and said he went through ROTC. The Lieutenant confirmed that was correct and asked how he had noted this. The 1st Sgt replied that the Lieutenant, through his conversation, seemed to have a strong academic background but limited military experience.
The 1st Sgt then told the Lt on his right that he had gone through OCS with previous enlisted service. The Lieutenant confirmed this was correct and also asked how he had determined this. The 1st Sgt said, again through his conversation, that the Lieutenant seemed to have a firm military background and a lot of common sense.
The Lieutenant across the table from the1st Sgt asked if he had determined his source of commission. The 1st Sgt replied that the Lieutenant had graduated from the United States Military Academy at West Point . The Lieutenant stated that was correct and asked if he had noticed his high level of intelligence, precise military bearing, or other superior qualities acquired at the United States Military Academy . The 1st Sgt replied that it was none of these that led to his determination. He had simply observed the Lieutenant's class ring while he was picking his nose.
ROUTE TO BECOMING A General
Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight. After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a low voice, " Colonel , United States Army, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons."
After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight lipped smile, " General , United States Army, retired. Married, two sons, both judges."
After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims: " 1st Sgt , United States Army, retired. Never married, two sons, both Generals"
A WISE OLD 1st Sgt ONCE SAID
A young LT. approaches the crusty old1st Sgt and asked about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias.
"Well," replied the 1st Sgt," the insignias for the Army are steeped in history and tradition.
First, we give you a gold bar representing that you are very valuable but also malleable.
The silver bar also represents significant value, but is less malleable.
Now, when you make Cpt., your value doubles, hence the two silver bars.
As a Colonel, you soar over the military masses, hence the eagle.
As an General, you are, obviously, a star.
Does that answer your question?"
"Yes 1st Sgt" replied the young Lt. "But what about Major and Lt. Colonel?"
"That, sir, goes waaaay back in history - back to the Garden of Eden. You see we've always covered our *ricks with leaves."
THE CHIEF AND THE GUNNY
An old Chief and an old Gunny were sitting at the VFW arguing about who'd had the tougher career. "I did 30 years in the Corps," the Gunny declared proudly, "and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp I hit the beach at Okinawa , clawed my way up the blood soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade.
"As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General Mac Arthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire. "Finally, as a gunny sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam . We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and
mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire all night. In a fire fight, we'd fire until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!"
"Ah," said the Chief with a dismissive wave of his hand, "all shore duty, huh?"
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