I was in a pub on Saturday night. Had a few....
I noticed two large women by the bar.
They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?"
One of them chirped: "It's WALES you friggin' idiot!"
So, I immediately apologized and said..., "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland ?"
And that's the last thing I remember...
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A recent Scottish immigrant to the U.S. attended His first baseball game. After a base hit, he heard the fans roaring, "Run...run!"
The next batter connected heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stood up and roared with the crowd in his thick accent, "R-r-r-un yah bahstard. R-r-r-run!"
A third batter slammed a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his new found knowledge of the game, screamed "R-r-r-un ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya."
The next batter`s count went to three and two. As the next pitch went outside the plate, he held his swing. The umpire called a walk and the Scotsman stood up yelling, "R-r-r-un ya bahstard, r-r-run!"
All the surrounding fans giggled quietly and he sat down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment, whispered, "He didn`t have to run, he`s got four balls."
After this explanation the Scotsman stood up in disbelief and screamed, "Walk PR-R-ROUD ya bahstard!! Walk proud!!"
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How can you tell if a man is half Irish and half Scottish?
Half of him wants to get blind drunk, while the other half doesn't want to pay for it.
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:-)