Parents: help needed - Page 2 - Cigar Asylum Cigar Forum

Originally Posted by mariogolbee:
This approach, if done correctly, will work for SOME kids. For some it does the complete opposite and causes serious damage to relationships. I'll give you two personal examples of where it didn't work.

All of my life I have had horrible allergy/sinus issues. When I was a child my doctor said I had the worse case of allergies he'd seen in any man, woman, or child. So, I've always had a little "snort" of sorts. If I don't snort I can't breathe right. Well, sitting in my 1st grade class in Catholic school the nun teaching it would tell me not to do that. I couldn't stop. She proceeded to hit me with a ruler/yard stick across the hands. I didn't like that and after several of her attempts to correct my "behavior" I told the old b!tch to f*ck off. She proceeded to wash my mouth out with soap. Well, I couldn't do anything physically to this hooded bully, so I cussed her out as much as I could until I was suspended. My parents took me out of the school soon afterward. As for the nun, she was supposed to represent God. Because of her actions, and the constant sermons of Hell, Satan, and punishment, I began to associate God with anger, hate, and abuse. I never looked back at the Catholic church once I left and only returned to God 20 years later after hearing the loving side of the story and witnessing some of the finer points of some believers actions.

Now that I typed it out I'll PM the second example so that it's not hanging out on the interweb forever for everyone to see.

The point is, physical discipline works for some and not for others, physical punishment for none, and physical discipline can actually make one associate you in a way that you don't want. The reason it works for some is measurable psychologically, but I won't go into that, but it can cause far more harm than good.

I believe that physical should be a last resort, but for some young kids they need the quick association of consequences. I do however believe that ONLY a parent or grandparent should ever spank and a grandparent should only do so if the parent allows it. If a teacher, nun or not, had ever struck me I would have had a similar reaction. I also think that as soon as a child can understand restrictive punishment that spanking should stop. As a grade school kid or older if something dear to me was taken then I responded much more readily.

I do think that consistency is the absolute key to any form of discipline, if a kid gets away with it sometimes but not others they will keep testing and eventually doubt your authority.
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Originally Posted by mash:
3 year olds aren't philosophy majors. I would just tell her it is a bad word and she isn't allowed to use it. You can explain it more when she's older.
Where do you think she's picking it up from?

Words of wisdom.

I had a similar issue. Also 3-4 year old.
I knew where my daughter heard it (for those that know me... can you believe it wasn't me? :-))
I would never touch my daughter out of discipline or for any reason for that matter.
I simply used my booming, stern tone that she knows means business and proceeded to tell her that she was not to repeat what she had heard. I said I don't care who she heard say it, but that isn't something little girls say. I asked if she understood, to which she said yes... then laid on the tears.

I always think that adopting a no touch, stern talking approach early on is the best approach. Physical contact only leads to aggression by them later.

Good luck
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Originally Posted by St. Lou Stu:
Words of wisdom.

I had a similar issue. Also 3-4 year old.
I knew where my daughter heard it (for those that know me... can you believe it wasn't me? :-))
I would never touch my daughter out of discipline or for any reason for that matter.
I simply used my booming, stern tone that she knows means business and proceeded to tell her that she was not to repeat what she had heard. I said I don't care who she heard say it, but that isn't something little girls say. I asked if she understood, to which she said yes... then laid on the tears.

I always think that adopting a no touch, stern talking approach early on is the best approach. Physical contact only leads to aggression by them later.

Good luck

I totally agree with this!

I don't deny that my son hears me say bad words. Wes once called me out and said, "You dropped the F bomb 5 times during that phone conversation." Okay. Fair. I did. For those who play with my hubby on XBox... How is his swearing? LOL
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Originally Posted by awsmith4:
I have a 4yr old boy who had a similar issue. I tried ignoring him, I tried calmly explaining, one day I lost it and whooped his backside. He has never said it since.

Good old fashioned discipline, nothing wrong with it... Some folks my not agree with it but I'll be DAMNED if any of my kids & are the ones who shoot up the school because I didnt put my foot down like a parent should...

This is more for the folks who are 30-plus & grew up with disciple before it was call child abuse... Nothing wrong with rosing up his backside alittle. By no means am I saying beat the kid just remind him who is the one in charge. Sometime a small pat on the butt is enough to keep him from using it again.

I had this problem with my 2 year old he would use the B-word...
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Originally Posted by junkinduck:
My mom beat my a55 and washed my mouth out with soap. Ivory if remember correctly.

I am afraid I come down on this side. There is very little that will get past a good mouth-washing-out
with soap. If you explain that this is what dirty mouths get, it will definitely put the clamps on dirty words.
A55 whippins also work, but are best reserved for the soap not working. Get it good and wet and soapy
and get it all in there and work it around. It takes a LONG time to get that taste out of your mouth.
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Pretty sure I got a good "Dont say that again talk" and that didnt work. Then I got a spanking and I didn't say it again. Different strokes for different folks.
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It's difficult, curse words are everywhere.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebv51QNm2Bk (NSFW Language) :-)
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I have no lil kids of my own but all I can add is that when I did that as a child all I can remember is my @ss hurting everytime I said it.
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Originally Posted by pektel:
Thanks for all the input, guys. I had tried rationalizing with him, but that didn't work. He is 3 after all lol. Time outs only produced a giant series of F bombs screamed at teh top of his lungs (which is when he got spanked for it the first time.) The spanking has worked somewhat, but hasn't squashed the issue. Haven't tried soap yet. Maybe that will work. also, substituting sounds like a great idea. I'll give that a shot next.

The biggest underlying problem may be attention seeking. I feel that the age of smart phones has people less interactive with each other. I'm sure it takes a toll on the kids. So last night I sat down with the gf and we came to an agreement of NO PHONE STUFF (except actual calls) whenever we are around the kids. I actually think this will help. Because kids crave attention, whether positive or negative. If we aren't responding because in the middle of an email, or reading facebook, or whatever, he may actually be drawing negative attention for attention's sake.

Time out can still work, the thing with it over a butt whopping is it takes more effort on your part! I myself would do both, whopp then time out. When doing time out you do one minute per age (rule of thumb) so it would be one minute. I use a a wall to stand them against but you can use a chair or whatever, just make sure there is nothing that they can play with, attention getting etc.... When you put him in time out and he keeps saying the word then you start over, and you explain this to him, he gets up and walks away, you take him and put him back! If it talks 1, 2, 3, hours to get the 3 minutes of quite time you have to do it!!!! HE CAN NOT WIN! Not even one time! You do this and do it right and I promise it will work. May take a few times, and may only work a little while before he will test you again, but in the long run you stick with it and it will work.

If I was you my main concern will be where did he get it from? It didn't come out of the blue, so if you and the wife don't talk like that then another care taker does and if it was my child I couldn't go for that.
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My daughter doesn't say any bad words. We just told her that they were bad and she was not to say them.

She like Toes, by Zac Brown Band, and when the song says ass she just stops and picks up as if it wasn't in the song. It's quite amusing.
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It's pretty tough, but coming along slowly. Doing a combination of things so far. The one that has been working pretty good is changing it to a different word, and laughing about it. So, the new word is "fudgenutter". I let him pick it out.

Time outs sort of work. Still working on that. I will try the advice offered.

Spankings are working a little, but not much. And I fear that too much spanking will render that punishment useless after too long.

Thanks for all the input, guys. It's starting to work!
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Originally Posted by N2 GOLD:
Good old fashioned discipline, nothing wrong with it... Some folks my not agree with it but I'll be DAMNED if any of my kids & are the ones who shoot up the school because I didnt put my foot down like a parent should...

This is more for the folks who are 30-plus & grew up with disciple before it was call child abuse... Nothing wrong with rosing up his backside alittle. By no means am I saying beat the kid just remind him who is the one in charge. Sometime a small pat on the butt is enough to keep him from using it again.

:-) Use the pat on the butt as an attention getter about behavior/attitude/language/etc.

...and :-) and :-) LOL
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Originally Posted by tx_tuff:
Time out can still work, the thing with it over a butt whopping is it takes more effort on your part! I myself would do both, whopp then time out. When doing time out you do one minute per age (rule of thumb) so it would be one minute. I use a a wall to stand them against but you can use a chair or whatever, just make sure there is nothing that they can play with, attention getting etc.... When you put him in time out and he keeps saying the word then you start over, and you explain this to him, he gets up and walks away, you take him and put him back! If it talks 1, 2, 3, hours to get the 3 minutes of quite time you have to do it!!!! HE CAN NOT WIN! Not even one time! You do this and do it right and I promise it will work. May take a few times, and may only work a little while before he will test you again, but in the long run you stick with it and it will work.

If I was you my main concern will be where did he get it from? It didn't come out of the blue, so if you and the wife don't talk like that then another care taker does and if it was my child I couldn't go for that.

Yes, exactly! My son is 8 years old and is still afraid of getting time outs. When an adult does something wrong, he expects them to get them. LOL
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Originally Posted by awsmith4:
I have a 4yr old boy who had a similar issue. I tried ignoring him, I tried calmly explaining, one day I lost it and whooped his backside. He has never said it since.

This is not the answer for a lot of parents, but it's always worked for me with my kids.

Originally Posted by MajorCaptSilly:
When a 3-year-old sees a reaction of any kind from their parents to anything they have said, they keep saying it to keep getting the reaction. Ignore it when he says the f-word and make sure not to use it around him.

MCS

This works too, but with a 3yr old, it's gonna take a LOT of ignoring. 3yr olds are stubborn little brats. My oldest two were, and my youngest is now (he's 4 and going through a similar phase, not cussing, but trying to test his limits on a lot of things). Spanking my four year old doesn't seem to work lately.
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