The Jack Schitt story
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For some time many of us have
wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We
find ourselves at a loss when someone
says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!"
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts,
you can now respond in an intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.
Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married
O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.
They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt.
The deeply religious couple produced
six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt,
Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins
Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her
parents' objections, Deap Schitt married
Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married 15 years, Jack and
Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later
married Ted Sherlock, and, because her
kids were living with them, she wanted to
keep her previous name. She was then known
as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt,
and they produced a son with a rather
nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt
and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout
childhood and subsequently married the
Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper
announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg,
Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal
son, left home to tour the world. He recently
returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa
Schitt.
Now, when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt,"
you can correct them.
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