Soo there I was in the frozen tundra...the wasteland known as my neighborhood park. It was a blisteringly cold 4 degrees. My yellow lab dog weaned on crack as a puppy and more closely related to Meth-Lab than black or chocolate, hyper as you can imagine that breed needed to go outside. I had bundled up and grabbed the shortest stick in my humidor. A Macanudo small robusto...generally a 45 min. smoke....and had hoped to make a couple quick laps around the neighborhood park enough for Stoli, that's my crack head dog, enough time to mellow out a bit before taking him back home. My cigar though was suffering from a bad draw, horribly plugged. I puffed and puffed and could barely get any of the frozen needle sharp air to go thru it. There I was, about to succumb to the elements when in a crazy fit of a survival act, I bit the top half inch off the Macanudo....drawing freely now, the smoke poured thru the damaged stick and I managed to cut what had looked like and hour and a half smoke in that frozen wasteland...one that would have surely ended my life...into a much more enjoyable 20 minutes. Much to Stoli's chagrin. As I stiffly stumbled back up the steps into my wife's awaiting arms, I was near tunnel vision and had all but lost the care of the needle sharp pains in my extremities and the pincushion prickly burn of my cheeks...I can only look back in awe and amazement of my moment of clear thinking and sharp judgment in chomping my stogi in order to save my own life...a story to tell the grandkids someday for sure huddled around a warm fire while sipping hot coco and showing them my frostbite scars....
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LMAO!!! Not bad, but still not as good as the Ryan Steakhouse Incident.:-)
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Hermano, when I grow up I wanna be just like you!
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:-) :-) :-)
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certainly showing excellent potential!

f you can ever find the "Beefaroni Incident" from the early JRBB days... That is the benchmark standard!

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ah-HA!

The Beefaroni Incident

The stuff legends are made of!!
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:-)
OMG.
That is one of the funniest stories I've ever read.
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Wow....I just laughed so hard I almost shat myself...not nearly as bad as him but still.
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I have tears in my eyes, my lips are numb, my cheeks hurt, I made sounds I had never heard before, and got yelled at by my lady....amazing story!
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Ah yes, the Beeferoni Incident. One of the most memorable tales of this century! Lol
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Looks like I need to spend some time reading about this incident -- when I can focus better (I'm on drugs now :-))
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At least it had a happy ending.
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Funniest Story Ever!:-) I have not laughed that hard in ages!
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That brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for the laugh.
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To quote the youth of today:
OMG!
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"the move" it is so true!!!
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