LITTLE RALPHY ON OBSERVATION
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little RALPHY.
He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'
Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.ʼ
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is
delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The
second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is
biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one
that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'
To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with
the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'
LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH
Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
'Why?' asks the father?
'The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY.
'But that's right!' says his dad.
'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''
'What's the f...... difference?' asks the father
'That's what I said!'
LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH
Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are
going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
example of a multi-syllable word?'
RALPHY says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful.'
Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR
Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a
piss!!'
The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use
in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
allow you to go.'
Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but
if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the
same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father
bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'
'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little
Michael. 'My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
beautifully.'
She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on
little RALPHY. 'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my
father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f......
beautiful!''
LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDERLittle RALPHY was sitting on a park bench, munching on one candy bar
after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will
give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'
Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'
The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own f....... business.
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