Whats up guys. I know that I'm new here but I'm going threw a divorce and I really need some advice. Maybe if nothing else I just need to vent. If there is anybody out there that can help me it would be greatly appreciated.
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Been there, done that. If you have any specifics you want to discuss pm or call me.
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The best advice I can give to you is make an appointment with a GOOD EXPERIENCED Family Law attorney in your area. Every state has very different laws when it comes to divorce & property & custody issues. Don't be afraid to ask people you know if they can recommend someone.
And remember, there are 2 types of lawyers: those who look to resolve conflicts & those who look to create them. Avoid the latter; if you get for a junkyard dog, you will quickly learn that they're very expensive to feed.

Good luck. Keep your perspectives clear & your emotions in check.
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Wow! what timeing, I am fixing to go through the same thing here in Vegas. Best of luck to you! Now to figure out what I need to do and how much $$$$$$ it will cost.
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:-)

Welcome to the Asylum, by the way.
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Don, I havne't gone through one but have a couple handful of friends that have. If it's amicable, then get someone to mediate. I've got a local friend that smokes a lot at Bull and Bear that might give you a hand. If its too far past the mediate stage, just make sure you don't drag things out....it costs money and also creates tons of friction. Also, be fair and don't just give in to demands. In this market, its going to be hard to divide up assets, but if oyu can show the lawyers and the judge that you are trying and doing the steps necessary, you come out looking better.

I know the heartache and pain is still there and will be there for a long while. It won't ever go away, you just become numb to it and eventually learn how to 'cope'. You have got a ton of friends here Don and that hopefully means a lot to you. I know it would to me.

Don't do anything rash my friend. Just step away and take a breather. contact me if you need to hang and vent. I'll give you my # again.

Than
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I agree with the above comments here. If you've done everything that you could to mend and keep it together, but its still falling apart, the best thing to do is hire a good attorney who is a great listener and who can mediate a positive divorce for both parties. The main issue is to keep a positive outlook on life and keep it moving forward, you know? Keep it moving forward and don't look back...
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:-)

Anyone who has Clancy "MF" Brown as an avatar needs a response. Just in case. :-)

I'm divorced nearly 10 years now after 12 years of marriage, two kids, both of us now remarried, live in the same neighborhood and we talk a few times each week. The advice above is all good, especially the part about the junkyard dog.

If kids are involved, I would recommend picking up an excellent book "Mom's House, Dad's House" by Isolini Ricci. Really helped me/us put together some structure in the interest of the kids, and it put things in perspective as only a disinterested third party can do. We ended with a joint-custody arrangement allowing each parent 50% "visitation", and we split tax responsibility/credit for the kids.

I'm not a professional so I don't fee comfortable providing advice, but feel free to hit me up with a PM if you want to know how I survived or just need support.

Best of luck to all of you going through this, it's a tough time.
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I went through the same thing about 2-3 years ago. Lawyers aside, absolutely the best thing I did for myself was go talk to a therapist. I went once a week for several months, then every other week, just to get my emotional and psychological house in order, so to speak. Absolutely the best investment I could have made. If you are religious, you can use a priest/pastor. But either way, talking to someone who is outside and objective is very effective at helping you put yourself back in order after a major life change like this. Whatever you decide, good luck.
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Excellent advice!
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I learned a couple things.
1.) It's cheaper to keep her.
2.) The reason divorce is so expensive is that it's worth it.
3.) Ya gotta talk, surround yourself with friends, and listen.
4.) I think the best advice I got through the entire thing was when a friend said to me "when is enough enough?" I had been trying to find out everything she'd ever done (she was a serial cheater), and the more I looked the more it was killing me.

To this moment, I wish I had found a way to save the marriage. I count it as the greatest failure of my entire life, by a longshot.
As a result, I stayed three years longer than I should have.

The best advice I can give you is to stay married. Do everything you can. Take blame for everything, whatever it takes. And get LOTS of help. Especially from your church.
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When my wife told me that she wanted a divorce my demand was for marriage counseling. She informed me that it was over, no counseling. After that I sort of went threw a faze that I was willing to sign a bad deal as long as it was quick and not a horrible deal. No luck she wanted to take all of the good and leave me with all of the bad. After that to let her know that I was serious I hired a good (I hope) lawyer, she couldn't believe that I did. I have recently come in contact with someone that I went to school with and for that reason I would still like to work this out quickly. But, I would like to do this right, I'm not going to do anything with her until this is worked out. I'm going to stress to her that if she wants to punish me that in the long run it's only going to cost us money. That were better off just working out a deal.

The good news is that we don't have any kids so that will simplify things. Also there are only about two issues that are important to me so hopefully I'll be able to talk some sense to her.

Guys what I really need now is your prayers that I can get threw this and have one good try with the girl from my school days.
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Don,

I will be praying for you! I hope everything works out for the best.

Best wishes,

James
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Good thoughts are heading your way from all cells in the Asylum.:-)
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Between this thing with my wife and trying to find a better job I have soo many things running threw my head some times I forget things. So please forgive me for forgetting to thank all of you for your helpful advice and supportive words. Thank you all.
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Sorry to hear about what you are going through,,,thank your lucky stars you didn't have kids or you'd have to deal with her for the rest of your life. I don't know the law in Illinois as far as community property laws. If you get a lawyer be prepared to pay for every single note, memo, phone call, from your side as well as her side because a lot of paperwork goes both ways. If she is really PO'd at you she isn't going to give a crap about logic,,,she's hurt and she wants you to hurt just as much if not more than she does,,,does it sound like I have been there,,,oh yeah. If I could do it all over again I would not even get a lawyer and let her pi$$ and moan all she wants,,,at the end of the day you will end up splitting everything anyway,,,just tell her you want mediation and you will save yourself tons of money. Better haul a$$ to your bank before she cleans out every account you have in both your names or charges the cards to the hilt.

Good luck!
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Not having kids is good and bad. Good because it simplify things. Bad because I don't have any kids. I might be able to talk some sense to her because she has been acting all nice and friendly to me since I got my lawyer. I think that she is afraid that she might be behind the eight ball. She has a very weak case, the only thing that she can divorce me over is irreconcilable differences. She wants to end the marriage because she doesn't love me anymore and because of financial reasons. Is there anybody out there that doesn't have financial troubles today?
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I went through this a little over a year ago. We worked out things without too much contention. We stay in contact but it was a hard thing to do - I went back and forth as far as what would be best after she filed on me and then wanted to work things out. For me, I'm not sure one ever feels which was was completely better. We didn't have any kids either so that made it not so bad. Some days I still wonder what was best, then I light up a cigar....and for a while it seems clear.
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I read a quote somewhere that something along the lines of:

You never really know a woman until you have met her in court.

Good luck to you.
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