~ A good pun is its own reword.
~ Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
~ A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
~ A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
~ My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.
~ Dijon vu: The same mustard as before.
~ I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
~ A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
~ Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
~ I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
~ I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
~ Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
~ Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
~ Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
~ Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
~ Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
~ A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
~ Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
~ Acupuncture is a jab well done.
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part 2
~ Without geometry, life is pointless.
~ When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
~ Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
~ When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
~ A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
~ What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
~ In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
~ A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
~ Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
~ When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
~ The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
~ A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
~ A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
~ A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
~ A plateau is a high form of flattery.
~ The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
~ Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
~ When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
~ Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
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:-)
