I was standing in the checkout line with a bag of Purina for my dachshund, Frank N. Furter. The gal behind me asked if I had a dog, what did she think I had, an elephant?
With a a straight face I tell her, "no I don't have a dog, I'm starting the Purina diet again but I probably shouldn't". she looked confused so I explained. "The last time I lost 50 pounds but ended up in ICU with tubes in most of my orifices and IVs in both arms." That startled her so I continued, "Essentially it's the perfect diet. You load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two whenever you feel hungry. The dog food is nutritionally complete and the results are excellent." I had nearly every ones attention by then.
She looked horrified. "If the dog food poisoned you, why would you want to try it again?", she asked in amazement?
I answered her deadpan "The dog food didn't poison me, I stopped to piss on a fire hydrant and a car hit me!"
[Reply]
:-) 
:-) thats great!!!